Today is my last Tidbit post and then I will be sending the package on its way to the next sister. I wanted to share one last tidbit/s that I have found to be helpful in my journey and I hope that in a small way it helps someone else. As some of you know and others may have guessed...I am not the most tactful of persons...ahem...I am quick to say what comes to mind and that not always with a lot of thought beforehand. I have even been accused of, God forbid...insensitivity...and alas, I fear it is true....
I am basically straightforward and not very easily offended and find it very curious when others are not like me...needless to say...there have been plenty of opportunities for me to offend... almost everyone I have ever known.
Besides being pretty hard to offend....I am smart.....and I get things right...a lot....so putting that combination together you have an insensitive and arrogant person who often finds herself in the position of getting into discussions, arguments and even basic conversations that don't end well. Sigh....I know its true..and so do some of you... ;) Thank God I have the Lord to speak to my heart and temper me somewhat.....otherwise by this point in my life no one would be speaking to me!
Anyway.... here is what I have learned from years of dealing with the fallout of having these characteristics....First and foremost...there is no need disclaiming what I said or why I said it...someone has been offended or hurt...and amends must be made...it is unacceptable (in my world anyways) to continue on with problems or pain between myself and another ...be it co worker, family member, brother or sister in the Lord...no matter.
Here is how I have learned to handle these situations.....Even if I am right...even if they have completely misunderstood me....even if it is not my fault at all......I admit to being wrong and apologize....for something...for anything...it doesn't really matter what as long as it is truthful.....i.e. there was something I could have done differently or said differently....there is some acceptance of their position I can acknowledge...there always is ....and there is always some area I can admit to being wrong in because there is some area I am wrong in....In so doing, some respect can be shown and I am often able to open a door to reconciliation.
Secondly...I soften my tone....scripture says "a soft answer turns away wrath" and this is so true. I tend to get overly passionate and excited about a subject and get louder and louder to make a point...this is not very conducive to reconciling with someone who is feeling overwhelmed or put upon.... :)
So when in pursuit of your point or your own right-ness....or even a very good idea...if you offend someone along the way remember these tidbits.....
Accept responsibility for something and apologize...
and soften your tone....
Peace is so much easier to come by when you do.
Love you girls...and I surely do pray none of you are offended. ;)
16 comments:
oh jada gigi, i like a person who is direct..i find that you can trust them ...i have never been offended by you but if you did have true words to say to me, i would remember Proverbs 27:6
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.
i am so missing you and all of the other sisters but the days are going fast and lord willing, we will meet in about eight months!...the lord bless you sweet jada gigi...love terry
Wow.This one hit me flat in the face.
To say I'm wrong, when I'm right and to soften my tone.
I am not there, but it would help me if I could.
I can easily forgive when asked for forgiveness, but I often struggle praying the Lord's Prayer, and I wonder; how can he forgive me?
What can I do, but try. Learning an old dog new tricks is hard.
But anger and hostility from one (me) who call herself a Christian, that is a disgrace to our father. I'll just have to pray to find a way doing so and still being honest.
I guess I need help.
Pray for me.
I'm an offender, too! "whoops" is part of my thought process. but, the folks that I come in contact with know me well enough that I do have the incurable footinmouth syndrome. ha! new folks, well-I do my best.
hugs!
This is now the eighth time I have attempted to comment. On my phone and then my kindle...all failed. So I'm going to take that as my gentle touch from the Lord to forget commenting! Suffice to say this post hit me right between the eyes. Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Thank you for your honesty... as the senior leader of the ministry I am involved with often reminds us, "You do not have to be wrong to repent."
It was good to read your tidbit posts, Cheryl.
I believe you can be direct and honest without hurting or offending. You shared plenty of good honest advice here and I appreciate that. I hope I won't offend anyone if I ask why Terry calls you Jada Gigi. Shouldn't someone tell our precious sister that your name is Cheryl and not Jada's grandmother?? Unless you think it's cute or like it or something. Too funny.
aw sandy....jada gigi told me what it means and i have called her jada gigi ever since i knew her and she told me it is ok....the same as crown of beauty will always be crown of beauty to me and mrs. mac will remain mrs. mac!....aren't i the strange one,eh?......and miss patty is my miss patty!...and lady di? well what can i say?.....love terry
I have the soft answer turns away wrath engraved behind my eyelids ;) and have often been caught rolling my eyelids trying to read it.
Miss Terry .. you crack me up!
Growing up I was told by my parents "Watch what you say or it will come home to you." And until these no estrogen years, I kept my mouth shut especially if I thought it harsh...but now I speak my mind a lot more than I have my whole life! But I try to be like Jesus...big hugs. Love your honesty Cheryl.
Growing up I was told by my parents "Watch what you say or it will come home to you." And until these no estrogen years, I kept my mouth shut especially if I thought it harsh...but now I speak my mind a lot more than I have my whole life! But I try to be like Jesus...big hugs. Love your honesty Cheryl.
Love the idea of Cathys eye rolling to read her words of wisdom. Lol...jadasgigi is my online name and I don't mind being referred to as such especially online...Ms.Terry has pet names for us all..:) and Trish! Lol...lack of estrogen can make not very nice girls of us all....:) love you all!
Love the idea of Cathys eye rolling to read her words of wisdom. Lol...jadasgigi is my online name and I don't mind being referred to as such especially online...Ms.Terry has pet names for us all..:) and Trish! Lol...lack of estrogen can make not very nice girls of us all....:) love you all!
I tend to be one of those "stuff it down inside til it hurts" kind of gals until eventually I explode. Watch out if you happen to be in the line of fire when the top flies off. And while I don't lack for being straight forward, to the point and oh why not... opinionated....I do try to soften my approach and lean on the teachings of my mother..."if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." This of course does not mean when engaged in meaningful, insightful conversation,I don't speak my opinion, I just try not to control others by not letting them have theirs. On the other hand, I have learned that "singing" will soften the offenses anyone chooses to fire at me.
A lot of wisdom imparted here! Just think, how much wisdom there is between all of us... why we could change the world! Which is exactly what we're called to do...change our little corner of the world!
I know without a shadow of a doubt that I can be a little "too out there" at times for people, common in extroverts! The Holy Spirit has been grooming me throughout the years to think twice before I speak. I might still say the same thing but I might exercise grace and mercy while saying it.
Loving the newest adventure!!
Connie
Well, I am with Cheryl. Once my Tim said to me, "When we argue, you always think you are right!" ??!?!?!?!?!!! WHAT??? LOLOLOL Of course! sigh..That is so funny to me... but seriously, I am sure you know that I understand where you are coming from, Cheryl.
I don't want to offend people. I tell myself I will watch what I say and how I say it. I give myself pep talks on how well behaved and graceful I will be. Alas, I always end up being myself! Within minutes, my big mouth opens and my plan fails. How many times have I heard myself described as BLUNT? Too many! There is so much more I can identify with here in your post, but I will end with my giggle at the thought of sweet Terri, Cathy,or Lydia rolling their eyes sarcastically!! In reality, I know you are human and do lose your tempers and say things you wish you could take back, but your sweet, graceful, and loving spirits are what I aspire to.
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