I AM BACK

After a long break, I am back and blogging once again. I am writing about the goodness and greatness of our God over at MY BLOG.

I thought I'd share this picture of an unexpected gift that made me feel so loved! I never expected to see these flowers at my Mom's funeral and I never knew one person could feel hugged by so many sisters at one time! Love you all!
Connie

Memorial Day

Happy Memorial to all of my Scarf Sisters and families!  I know you are joining me today in a special remembrance for all of our military men and women.

We thank you and pray God's Grace, Mercy and Protection over all of you.

With a grateful heart,

A Pair of Brown Shoes

Happy Birthday to the Twin Sisters

dear char and deb...just a quick post to tell you guys that all of the sisters will be wishing you a happy birthday...of course i had to put the two of you also into the card because i am sure that you will want to wish each other a happy birthday too..you are our sister twins whether you are a year apart or not!..for sure and THAT doesn't matter!
wishes and god's blessings on you both for this day and always!!!

God Breathed

I was making my notes in the bible, well actually marking the scriptures, and I was just in awe of God's Word, each sentence, word, letter, God breathed, and it's evident when you look through the pages, when you the tabs, that God has not only breathed His Word, He has breathed life into each sister.

It says in John 1

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was with God in the beginning. 3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. 4 In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Without his nothing was made. Does that just not inspire you to go shine His light on everyone you know?? I think of each sister, and how we have loved each other through some horrible circumstances, but no matter how our circumstances change, God will not be moved. He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Faithful He is, loving, and so much more.

As He has breathed life into you, how will you, today, go breathe that same life into someone else?  Go love someone today, someone you know, a stranger, we are known by our love because of His light, that has overcome!

1 Cor 16:14 Do everything in love

Three Cheers For Our Idaho Lilac Princess!

well, winter has finally said fare thee well and the snow queen of idaho has, i must happily been laid off...spring flowers have arrived and so have the lilac bushes and so without any delay, it is high time that our idaho lilac princess take up her duties and give to her sisters the sweet perfume of spring and the warmth of summer!
congrats as usual mrs. mac!..you seem to collect this honour EVERY year!
here now is a little poem for the occasion...

Lilacs
by Elaine Magliaro

Little-petalled blossoms hang

In soft clusters of

Lavender lace

Adorning spring’s greenery,

Catching honeybees with

Sweet perfume.



All of the sisters love you mrs. mac......love from us all...

My future decided

This journey with the Sisterhood Bible has been an amazing experience, to be part of it with all of you is completely awesome especially since I don’t have any sisters that are alive, so being part of this is such a blessing to me! You each inspire me so much! in so many different ways.

But not just that. To write it all down, to see what God has done not just knowing it, but traveling through it again, to see the mark of His life all over mine, makes me so incredibly grateful, and to be honest, the last couple weeks there has been a tug on my heart, I couldn’t put my finger on it, just something bugging me, but counting all these blessings, and seeing His love over and over did this girl’s heart good.

I was worshipping all morning, in different ways, taking care of my house, those I call family, and then myself by going to the gym, I found myself opening up, breathing Him in through my heart. I went to church with Phyllis, and we were singing this song called Beautiful Mystery, and I was just crying, thankful tears, Jesus tears, reflecting on what He has done in my life, what He is doing, and praising Him for what is coming.

Mark 12:30 And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’



I was thinking about my future today, and how some people worry so much about what is ahead. And I am not saying that I don’t do that, but I know that my future is already decided. I know, I believe, that God has some incredible things ahead for me, I mean INCREDIBLE, things I can’t even imagine. Love to be given, and love to receive.

I know that I’ve got to continue to walk in obedience, and love. I know that His Word will continue to reveal things of His perfect character and help me to be that way. I feel like I’ve got some big teaching He is going to do in my life. I’m a little scared because when He reveals His perfect character to me, my less than perfect character is also revealed. It’s like this video.

Eph 2:10 For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

(I cry EVERYTIME I see this video)



I’m doing the bible in a year, chronological order, I’m totally excited about what God is going to do in my heart… oh boy. So here, I go.. one step at a time, in the path that was already created.

Psalms 25:4 Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths.

I talk a lot!

I write some long posts! SHEESH!

Where He found me...

I can tell you that all of my life I knew there was a god. I knew of this man named Jesus. I sat in church and sang songs, read verses, but I never really believed in a life fully surrendered to Him. I believed in that for others, but I thought, no way, not for me. I didn’t even come close to believing that I was good enough. And I was right. I wasn’t good enough, but I guess all those years in church, I must have missed the lessons about His grace.

There was a point in my life when people thought I had it completely together, I had just purchased my first car, nothing crazy special, but it was new, and I was excited. I just bought my house, I was thin, and beautiful. I had guys, literally, tripping over the trashcan outside my office to get attention.

But I had so many skeletons in my closet. I was searching for love in all the wrong places (you can sing the song). My friend Carrie wanted to take Phyllis to her church, Phyllis was freaking out because we were Catholic, and it’s sometimes like an exercise program on Sunday mornings. And just for the record, I love the tradition of the Catholic churches, she was afraid she wouldn’t stand, sit, or kneel in the correct place. So I told her I’d go. I was pacing waiting for my friend and Phyllis. And then it happened… 3 songs, Come Now is the Time to Worship, I could sing of Your love forever, and Draw me close to You, I could not stop crying. I’m a crier. My now friend Christie, who went to that church, asked Phyllis during Sunday school ‘do you think you will come back?’ Phyllis’s response ‘yeah, my mom was crying’. LOL

It wasn’t that I didn’t believe in God, I had seen Him do some crazy things in my life. He healed my daughter from Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, now knowing, I had seen His grace cover me like a cloak. The issue was that I thought I was sooo messed up that I’d never be good enough, that no matter how I tried, He’d never really want me. I sent my daughter to Catholic School so that she could have a relationship with Christ, it wasn’t too late for her. I was right, no matter what I did, it would never be good enough. But it was never too late. I knew that I could sing of His love forever because He was good. It was when I learned of His grace that I really realized all He had for me.

It was amazing, there were still a lot of things (and still are) that hinder my relationship with Christ, but His mercies are new EVERY morning, and every day, minute, second, I have to remember that my life is surrendered over to Him.

I think the craziest transformation has come in the last year or so. It’s been a road of obedience. It’s been a road of saying ‘God, I trust You so much, that I will take direction from… You’. That’s not always easy. It says in 1 Sam 15:22 that obedience is better than sacrifice. Well, I don’t know about better, but it sure is harder!

In the summer right before I did a weightloss competition, a dear friend of mine told me about this thing, it’s called Theophostic, basically God brings you to this place in your life when you’ve believed some lie that just keeps you from seeing the truth. I’ll tell you the truth, I thought, man, that sounds CRAZY.

I did the weight loss competition, and it was awesome, I started running, and the more I ran, the more I heard God, I think it was because I was clearing my head, I was worshipping, but right before Thanksgiving I literally thought, if I don’t do something about whatever is bothering me, but I had no idea what it was, I would either kill someone or myself. And so I called my friend Maggie to go with me. I scheduled the appt, I almost didn’t go, I was so scared. I thought, what if I do this, and it doesn’t work? Then what? And God simply breathed His truth in me, ‘I did not create you with a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (that’s 2 Tim 1:7). And so I went. I went back to this time when I was like 6 or 7, I don’t remember what age I was, but I could see it as clearly as I could see you, it was almost like I could smell it too… I was in my basement of our old house, and I was soo sick, and my dad had a meeting, and EVERY Monday that my dad had class, I got sick, but whatever happened this particular day, I really just wanted my dad to pick me instead of his meeting. I felt like I was second choice. And I tell you this, not at all to say bad things about my dad, he was a good father, I want to make that clear. But somehow, I buried that I’d never be good enough to be picked first. And the whole time, I’m sobbing, but God was putting images in front of me, first it was the scripture

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 cor 12:9)

And then… a ruler.

Not just any ruler. It was a ruler at my desk, that was beat up, and actually chewed on, I had that ruler with me for like 12 years, and He spoke to me and said

You cannot be measured by someone else’s ruler.

And being that I struggled with being worthy, feeling like I was not good enough, it was weird, amazing really, that I knew that I was made exactly for such a time as this. Sure, I’m kind of a hurricane, but when I love, I love SOOO big. Not always in big things, sometimes, I send things to people in the mail, make a meal, one crazy time, I was dropping off food and saw that some girl needed shoes, and I was just going to give her a pair of mine (it was winter) and God said ‘no, new ones’ and I was like ‘I need gas, this is all the money I have right now’ but you know God, well, at least I hope you do… I bought her new shoes… and not an hour later… I had $10 more dollars in my hand than I did before I bought the shoes. You just can’t out give Him.

This past fall, I completed a ½ marathon. Originally it was supposed to be some friends doing the relay, and I am not sure how it all happened, but a few peeps fell through, and then all of a sudden, I was like I’m doing it. And some of my awesome friends did it with me, it was kind of funny because you’d think it’d be this awesome ‘oh I can’t wait to do it next year’ kind of moment, but no… I was like I’m never doing this again. The best part of the ½ was when we were in the tunnel and Lindsay and I were walking and I don’t remember what exactly she said but the only reason they were doing it was because they didn’t want me to do it alone. Now, its one thing to love someone enough to go shopping with them when you don’t like shopping, it is a whole nother thing to do a half marathon with someone. That’s love.

This year, I had signed up to do a FULL marathon, I’ve actually already paid my money, but for a few months, my heart just has not been in it, I kept thinking that I wanted God to speak to me, get me through the feeling of hating what I was doing, and then one day, I realized, the reason I am not ‘into it’ was because I was doing it for the wrong reason, it was a pride thing, a ‘don’t let anyone down’ thing. And I didn’t RUN the whole ½ last year, I only ran half/walked half. There is a saying ‘excellence is honoring to God’, our pastor says it all the time, well, I decided that I am only doing the half, but my goal is to run the whole thing. I love the verse (I actually posted it about something else today)

Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

I think that whatever we are doing, we always need to check ourselves (at least I do) about why we are doing things, I know that if it’s all about me, than it can’t be all about Him. And I really want it always to be about Him not me.

Provision and Healing...

I said before that I wanted to be a teacher, but somehow I ‘ended up’ at an automotive company. I worked and worked, but I also went to school.
An opportunity presented itself when I was 22, a job working at the same company my dad worked at. It was part time, but it was making a lot more money per hour than I had before. Funny how when I made $5/hr I thought if I could just make $8/hr I’d really be making it! LOL! And that job paid $8.85! LOL!! So I took that job working Tues-Friday (6AM-1pm), worked at a chiropractic office Monday (8-6), the hardware store I was working at on Saturdays and Sundays, sold Pampered Chef, and then took a class or two at HFCC (Henry Ford Community College). The insurance company I worked with paid for schooling, and even though I worked only part time, they offered it. I took every excel, powerpoint, word class offered, I went to school (I graduated in 1998 with my Associate’s Degree – took me 7 years!), and eventually I was able to get a full time job making… $12! Woo hoo!!! Above the poverty line! It was amazing to me, I worked contract for about a year, and they hired me direct. Eventually we were bought by another company and I have worked here for 14 years total (1 contract, 13 direct).
What amazing provision God has had for me!
Psalm 132:15 I will bless her with abundant provisions; her poor I will satisfy with food
On December 5, 1997 Phyllis was coloring and I noticed she would not put any pressure on her left wrist. She hadn’t been feeling well for weeks, the doctor kept saying she has a respitory infection. I kept thinking he was nuts, but I was young, and I thought ‘what do I know, he’s the doctor’. After taking her to the emergency room and having them tell me could have anything from arthritis to meningitis, I realized that no one knows their child like their momma, and never once doubted my motherly instinct again. We were in the hospital for 3 days, I only left to shower, and only if my dad was there.
When Phyllis was 4 years old, she was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA) and it was a long struggle. And an expensive one! We had good insurance, but it is important to make sure that you know what your insurance coverage covers and what it doesn’t, because as part of Phyllis’s illness, she required physical therapy 2-3 days a week, and it was only covered for 60 calendar days. Well… the bill ended up being $10,000!!!!! Yikes, that’s a lot when you make about $30,000/year! Again, God provided. I had finished my degree while at my company and they gave us an incentive which equaled about $3000, I paid $3000 of the $10,000, the PT company wrote off $3000, and the state, as part of the ‘crippled children’s fund’ paid the balance. His provision was all over my life, I see that now.
I always believed in God, I believed in His blessings, and His wrath, but thought that even though He blessed me, I didn’t know that He loved me, and I half counted on Him to take care of things, the other half, I bulldozed through.
At one point, Phyllis’s health wasn’t getting any better; they wanted to put her on a new medication. The cost: $1200/box, she needed 2 boxes per month. At that point, her medical care was about $300/month, and I was barely making that. I had investigated everything she did, PT, medicine, doctors, treatment, causes everything, but I did not know what to do about this new medicine.
One time we were at the docs and she wanted her to wear splints, I did not. So we were disagreeing, and so the doc sent Phyllis to walk and check her gait (her swagger lol) and she said to me ‘please don’t argue with me in front of your daughter’ simply my reply ‘please don’t argue with ME in front of my daughter’. Two weeks later I was asked to be a parent to parent coach at UofM, I was one of the first parents asked to participate because I was such a good mom! How about them apples! I had come a long way!
So I put the pre-authorization on the fax machine. Laid my hand on it, and said ‘God if she is meant to be on this, let it be approved, if not, then it will be denied, and I won’t fight it because I know it’s Your will.’ They said it would be 48 hours before we heard anything, we were approved in 15 minutes!!!! They said it would take 6-8 weeks before we saw any changes, we saw changes in 2 weeks! After 6 months I started weaning her off medicines, one at a time, first the Steroid, and the doctor would say (after I got her off something) I think it’s time we weaned her off ‘prednisone’ little did she know, Phyllis was already off it, I watched carefully as I weaned her off and did it slowly (I wasn’t crazy you know, I just knew those things weren’t good for her and I’m not one to wait for the cow to come to me for milk, I just go to the cow and take care of business.) then Napyrsen, then Methotrexate, after each one, the doc would say ‘its time to wean the next one’ and soon she was off everything. Those medicines were terrible on her, her stomach would hurt. She wouldn’t eat. Eventually, she was in remission! Praise the Lord!
Psalm 30:2 LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me
The doctors told us there would be no damage due to the JRA, however, she does have Osteoarthritis in her feet, and maybe other joints but we only know of those. JRA crippled her body, hips, knees, feet, elbows, fingers, wrists.
I know that God can heal her of the Osteoarthritis; I know and believe that He will, in His time. I also know that I need to take her for an MRI for all the joints that were affected, I know that I cannot be afraid of the answers, even if they are something that I don’t want to hear.
Josh 1:9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

The biggest blessing ever!

From the time I was 17-19 things were crazy… graduating… and not to anyone’s fault, no one gave me more guidance than ‘go to school’. I wanted to be a teacher. But because all I did was sign up, I had no direction. I ended up going for business, taking random classes that I thought I would like. But when I was 19, I was pregnant. I was dating a guy for quite awhile, we were friends first, but he was doing drugs and I had told him that he needed to stop doing drugs, or I was leaving. His answer ‘I don’t have a problem’ sometimes you get an answer without an answer. A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. We met one night and I was going to have an abortion. But he didn’t want that. He asked me to marry him. I said ‘I don’t even like you, why would I marry you?’ it was a long who knows how long, I couldn’t get away and at one point he tried to hit me with a golf club. Finally someone came down from his apartment building and I was able to get away.


When I got home, there my dad sat, in his blue bathrobe, one light on in the brown chair. Oh boy. Jim had called my dad and told him I was pregnant. My dad said that he would stand by me at whatever decision I made, and it is obvious that I decided to have Phyllis, although, I had made the appointment for the abortion, I never followed through with it.

So lots of drama over months of being pregnant. January 5, 1993, the greatest blessing I could ever know came into my life. Her name was supposed to be Alexis Renee, the whole time I was pregnant I wanted to name her after my mom, but I was afraid that if I changed my mind, people would think I was a jerk. But one look at her, and I looked at my dad, and asked if it would be ok with him if I named her Phyllis. And I gave her the middle name Lynn after my friend, Michelle Lynn. People thought I was nuts for such an old name, that beautiful girl, has an old soul, her name fits her perfectly.

Phyllis Lynn Maierle

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

You really have no idea how much love your heart can hold until you look at your children. My daughter has been the center of my universe since. I have worked 4 jobs at once, went to school, whatever it took to make a better life for her. I wanted her to not make the same mistakes I did. I knew God but I thought it was too late for me, I thought all the mistakes I made, I wanted so much better for her. We went to church, when she was about 3 she wanted to sit in the front row, she wanted to make sure Jesus could see her. She’d sit pretty well and always ate grapes while in church, raised Catholic, I knew you weren’t supposed to eat in church, but whatever it took to keep her quiet, we were, after all in the front row.

Off and on I dated, certainly not picking the right kind of guys, and finally I met someone that everyone thought was fabulous. He was a great guy, but he drank… a lot… and our relationship was full of drama. And I didn’t want drama. We met in February, and were engaged in June, we were engaged in Chicago on a Friday, and I cried the entire weekend. I just kept saying that I was just ‘so’ happy, but really I was wondering what I was doing to my daughter. So I gave it more time, trying to do the right thing, have a family, but eventually I broke it off, but we were off again on again for months after that. Eventually it was off, and I moved on, but it was quite awhile since I dated someone serious again. I actually date, but not a lot. My crazy busy schedule doesn’t allow for much, and my priority is Phyllis. People say that one day she’ll be gone, and then what, but I think that one day, God will blow my socks off and I’ll have the perfect guy for me. If not, I will never regret the choice of putting her before my wants.

Phil 2:4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Growing up

Most of my life I missed my mom, but it really became apparent that I was different once I started school because even though I was around kids at a daycare, we all knew each other’s stories, so I got to school and there was a lot of attention put on the fact that I didn’t have a mom. There wasn’t much divorce, in fact, my friend Erica and my friend Derek were the only two that I knew of, but I guess because I only had one parent, I didn’t think much that they did too.


Kids would come up and ask me ‘really, you don’t have a mom?’ it was so sad for me, and I spent a good part of the first grade in the principal’s office because I was always crying, and apparently Ms. Krafchek (who we called Ms. Cracker Jack) didn’t like me much, but I was a good student, just cried a lot so I got to go to see the school psychologist, I just thought it was something fun to do, I talked, she also took me to go see ‘Annie’ to this day, I love the original movie, and I love the theatre. I saw it in second grade, I still remember pushing on those big doors at the Fisher. WOW!

I never got into any trouble really, until, as my dad says ‘puberty hit’ and then I kind of was a sass. I still wasn’t really a bad kid until we moved to Lincoln Park, boy, was I mad! I lived in Dearborn, East Dearborn, and it was very culturally diverse, and not very cliquey… and then I came to Lincoln Park, talk about reverse culture shock. I didn’t fit in, and I didn’t want to. You know what’s funny? I live here now. And I hate it. But I’m here, and blessed with a house, albeit, underwater mortgage. Fun stuff.

It was always me & my dad growing up. We had a boat, well, many, Margie Lou too, three, four, and five. The last one had engine problems, but we always went on vacation on our boats, we always had the best times, but we also had some doozy fights.

A lot of water under that bridge. I love my dad, and even though he drives me crazy, when I almost lost him a couple months back, I wondered how I was gonna make it. As a child, I wondered if my dad would die too, I wondered if I’d be an orphan and who would take care of me. Its funny how God completely watched over me.

I had a great childhood, it wasn’t like we had a ton of money, usually we didn’t have much, we grocery shopped on payday and it had to last. And when I first had Phyllis we didn’t have much, and to this day, I can shop like I have no money, get great deals, but if I want to buy something that is a little on the high end, I do…

Phil 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want

I had to grow up pretty quickly, by the time I was in 4th grade, I was cooking dinner for my dad when he got home from work. I pretty much took care of the household. Mon-Thursday in the summers, the house needed to be tended to, but Friday-Sunday, we were on the boat, enjoying life, I don’t ever remember going to graduation parties or weddings, or family anything, we were on the boat, if you wanted to see us, you better be there, because that’s where we were. It was awesome.

It also taught me about the character of people. When you pretty much roam a marina for the weekend, you learn about people, you see a lot of stuff. You learn that people are not always what you first think, and you learn to follow your instincts. I sometimes laugh because my kids in life group think I have this ‘religious’ life, they have no idea of the things I’ve seen and experienced. I’ve always been a caregiver though. I’ve tucked more drunk people to bed on their boats than I can count. I would make sure they got to their boats safely, get them on, and then go fishing on the docks or back to the boat to read or play cards or just talk with people. You learn a lot about life by listening to others, and have them speak life into you.

In the summer of my 11th grade year… we got rid of our boat… you wouldn’t think that some wood floating on the water would have such a big impact…

Guess what arrived!?

Mom, ME!, Dad

I don't normally get the mail, so not sure if it came Saturday or today, however, I think I would have noticed the box!!!!!

I've been wondering what I would write about to tell you about my past, about my family.  Some families have great stories, I don't really know that much about mine, I've never been some huge history or geneology buff...  I love that others are, but I'm just not, I feel like sometimes I have a hard enough time just getting through today let alone wondering about what happened long before I ever showed up.

This I know, I come from a long line of survivors.

My Mom
My great-grandma (Boosha), my mom's grandma (I think) came from Poland, she only spoke Polish, and she raised like 6 kids on her own, I have NO idea what happened to her hubby, no one ever talks about it.  I don't know too much about my mom's family, I know my Uncle Ed (my mom's uncle) and my Aunt Dee where like parents to my mom, Phyllis.  I know there was Stan, Pete, Ed, Lilly (but they called her Lucy - or the other way around... I'm not sure), Mary, and Stella (my mom's mom).  All of them scared of Boosha.

Here's the basic story (at least from what I remember, as little people talk about it), my gram, Stella, got around, she actually died (they think!) from complications from an abortion.  My family (Uncle Ed - again, I think) found my mom in an orphanage when she was about 5-7ish.  Sorry this is so vague, people just don't let out their dirty laundry easily, me, I don't care.  Boosha raised my mom once they found her, and apparently she was quite the spit fire (I guess it's no secret where I got it) and because Boosha tried to hold her back (personality wise) my mom ran away a lot.  I told you earlier that the siblings were afraid of Boosha, well, not my Aunt Dee, so her and my Uncle Ed took her in.  (side note:  Aunt Dee always made my mom make the bed, my mom hated making the bed, so she slept on top, and many many years later, when I stayed at my Aunt Dee's in the summer, I had no idea of that, but I hated making the bed too, so I slept on top of the bed spread too - how about that, isn't that crazy!)

So my mom went off at some point and got married, but got it annulled or divorced or something...

My Dad
My Great Gpa (Peter) killed some guy in Austria in a bar fight, then I guess coming here, he met Anne (Nana), they had my Grampa, Robert, he was a WWII pilot, but I guess he never saw any airborne battles.  He married my Gram, Marjorie (I'm named after her).  Apparently, my Gram's family was pretty well off, and not too thrilled about her marrying my grampa.

My dad was one of 4 children, second in age, first Margaret (who I call Sissy, and have no idea why!), Bob (my dad), the came my uncle Rich (who was a surprise), and then my Aunt Janet.  My dad went into the Air Force, then got a job....

Now had I known all those years ago when I could have been paying attention... that I was going to write this, I could have done better.

Eventually my mom and dad met my dad at work (I know, they met, shocking, right).  And they got married, and had my sister, Dolores... but she died when she was 13 months old (1971)... and then 2 years later (1973), came me...  the world has never been the same since...

I say that we're all survivors because we've all had a lot of hardships in our lives.  My mom lost her mom young, and I lost my mom young, and for so long, I was afraid I would die young, leaving Phyllis.  Both my parents had to deal with the incredible loss of my sister, she died in my dad's arms, and then my mom died in the spring of 1974.  My dad held my mom then too.

Mom, Nana, Janet, Gram, Dolores

My poor father, trying to raise me, while grieving the loss of his beautiful wife.  That's not easy, but he never gave up, and taught me, that we just don't give up.  We just keep on going.

One of my favorite verses are Romans 8:31-39

³¹ What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? ³³ Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. ³⁴ Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. ³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:
   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
 ³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I think of my crazy life, and all that has happened, the things before me, and the choices I've made.  And always is Jesus, I can see His mark on my life, I can not only see it, I can feel it. His love has helped me overcome a lot, His love is what keeps me going, His love is what saved my life.  I struggled so long, wondering if I mattered, but one day, He opened my eyes, and He reminded me, that I was made for such a time as this.

Joy In The Morning For Connie's Mom

Prayer request

My BIL is beginning his chemo treatment today.
thanks!
Becky

Comfort Week

My time with the Sisters of The Scarf Bible has come to a close.  It is a bitter sweet departure.  I have so thoroughly enjoyed the blogs, scriptures and other encouragement from the Scarf Sisters. I am also excited to pass this joy and comfort along to another Scarf Sister.

In keeping with comfort week, this blog too is bitter sweet. I have debated whether or not to take the chance in exposing myself, but the hope of being a comfort to someone else overrides my fears.

During a pastoral counseling session I finally, in spite of myself, blurted out my abortion secret.  Rather than responding in condemnation, I saw his relief.  He had finally tapped into a source of my pain and depression.



"Come now, let us reason together says the Lord:
though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be
white as snow; though there are red like crimson,
they shall become as wool." Isaiah 1:18



I was referred to a local Crisis Pregnancy Center.  It was there that I experienced a most wonderful time with my Heavenly Father.  I began a Post Abortion Bible Study, Forgiven and Set Free.  I was so terrified of what I would have to face. As I turned each page I could literally feel the hand of Jesus on mine comforting me each word, line, paragraph and page.  For all of these years, He had been patiently waiting for me to surrender my secret pain to Him.

I have since co-lead groups using a variety of different curriculum. Even in an intimate setting with other ladies it is often difficult to relive all these painful memories. Then a miracle begins to take shape. Women, just like me, being forgiven and set free. Regardless of the author of the study, Jesus is the ultimate author and finisher. While we will always zealously guard individual confidentiality, I fear I may have been sending a mixed message. Am I whispering behind closed doors the message Jesus sets you free when I should be shouting inside the church walls, JESUS SETS YOU FREE?

Recently I attended, yet another, curriculum training.  Oh me of little faith.  I went really just as a “political thing” because LifeWay was publishing and endorsing Surrendering the Secret, Healing the Heartbreak of Abortion.  I reasoned that it would at least give the ministry some much needed credibility in the churches.



Mary's alabaster box



It was a life changing event.  The study encourages taking this ministry into the church where is should be.  If the 500 million hurting men and women, most within our churches, sought out healing, there would not be enough churches and resource centers to accommodate them all.  That is a very somber reality. If I cannot openly confess that God has set us free, am I still in bondage?

My husband and I met with our pastor and his wife. We expressed our desire to establish this study through a missional community within our church. Our vision is to see this in every church. They were both very supportive. Like a responsible shepherd, he asked for the material to review.  I am so thankful to have pastoral staff who like Jesus, protects his flock.

We were particularly proud of our pastor’s Mother’s Day message.  He expressed how Mother’s Day was a joyous day for some but a sorrowful one for others.  He spoke of those who had lost their mothers, could not or yet have children or those hurting from past abortion. He encouraged those hurting to contact him. I have never heard this in a church service before.  I hope and pray it will filter to all churches.

In His Hands

I ask for your prayers for this ministry.  It is our belief that abortion will not end until women stand up and tell the painful truth about abortion. If you are hurting from abortion, please seek out help through one the many sources available to you. You do not have to be post abortive to minister.  Just being available to one walking through this healing journey, listening and praying with them is a huge ministry within itself.

As always, pray and seek the Lord in all things.

   
³ Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. ⁵ For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ. ⁶ Now if we are afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effective for enduring the same sufferings which we also suffer. Or if we are comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation. ⁷ And our hope for you is steadfast, because we know that as you are partakers of the sufferings, so also you will partake of the consolation

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (New King James Version)

www.surrenderingthesecret.com  (resource) *

If you click onto the leader list in Arkansa, my personal contact info is listed.

Your Great Name

Nor is there salvation in any other,
for there is no other name under heaven given among men
by which we must be saved.

- Acts 4:12

Sharing this powerful song with all the sisters.

Coffee Comfort

.



Our daughter in law says we have an addiction.  She and my son are not coffee drinkers yet they continue to receive an assortment of fancy schmancy coffee makers. They do entertain a lot and use them on those occasions.  It has become a bit of a joke to dig out coffee out of the freezer and dust off the coffee pot when we are visiting.

Their best friends gave them a Keurig coffee maker for Christmas.  Even the grandchildren have gotten in on the addiction.  They race to brew a cup for Nana and Papa Dan when they hear the first signs of life from us.  They are the cutest little baristas ever!  Our youngest (so far) Lily will be three in August.  I cracked up when she invited me to have our drinks outside on the patio.  So I with my cup of coffee and she with her sippy cup had a special coffee break outside.




It is a rare occasion that we get to visit with my daughter’s family for breakfast.  It is unspoken, I will stop on my way for fresh donuts and there will be a strong pot of coffee freshly brewed.  We had a great laugh one morning.  Grandson Riley decided he wanted a cup.  Mom poured him a small amount thinking one taste would discourage him.  He took a sip, gasped and said, “Sugar please.”

We too have acquired an array of coffee makers. They too are, for the most part, from our children.  There are small pots, larger party size pots and iced coffee pots.  For Mother’s Day, Dan gave me our own Keurig coffee maker.  We are running over with coffee and pots.  I joked we may have to expand our kitchen to accommodate our collection.

 

We Americans have a strange love affair with coffee.  Coffee shops are a booming business.  We gather with loved ones, visit and sip from our particular caffeine drug of choice.

That warm cup of coffee is a comfort.  Just this morning I was remembering Daddy and our coffee breaks.  When we were still on the bottle, he would give us a drop of coffee.  I can still remember his giggle when we had our secret coffee cocktails together. I have written about the peace between my parents and me before their deaths. That is huge comfort especially as I struggle with my personal demons.

As is most things we are attached to, it is not necessarily the physical but the emotional attachment.   I still have my Daddy’s coffee cup. It is too precious to drink from anymore, but it has a special place in our home. I hope and pray that our children and grandchildren will have many memories from our times together that will bring them comfort and a smile.

The Lord directs the steps of the Godly.  He delights in every detail of their lives.  Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.  Psalm 37:23-24

Thinking and Praying

Just a few words to tell that you are in ,y prayers these days.
I'm in particular praying for Connie's mother and Diane's father who are about to end their travel here on earth.
I know from experience just how hard and long these last days can be.
My dad who, was a former athlete, had a heart which was so strong and just would not stop ticking even though the rest of him was gone.
I then found comfort in the words of Paul, 2 Tim. 4 :

⁶For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand.

⁷I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith:

⁸Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.

Verse 7 is on my Dad's headstone.

I pray for strength to those who are sitting by their parent's side. May this be a time when they in particular feel the closeness and strength of Our Lord.

I also pray for Saja and Leo, for Bernie and Dave.

I send you my favorite promises from Isaiah 40:

²⁶Lift up your eyes on high, and behold who hath created these things, that bringeth out their host by number: he calleth them all by names by the greatness of his might, for that he is strong in power; not one faileth.

²⁷Why sayest thou, O Jacob, and speakest, O Israel, My way is hid from the LORD, and my judgment is passed over from my God?

²⁸Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

²⁹He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

³⁰Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

³¹But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

from felisol

Happy Mothers Day!

happy mothers day to all of you sisters who are blessed to be a mother!
special wishes to that linda brown shoes who has been sharing her family with us the last several days!

Commencement



Abigail





Abigail with brother Caleb, Dad Alan and Mom Dawn



Today was another cause for family celebration.  Our niece Abigail graduated cum laude from UCA with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Abigail has always been a ray of sunshine.  Her friends shared with us today that she is always smiling and full of joy. They said, “That’s why she is everyone’s friend.”



Abigail in Papua New Guinea



She is a Godly young woman; wise beyond her years in her faith.  She plans to attend two years in seminary preparing for a career in missions.  Already she has spent much of her time on the mission field including a journey to the other side of the world to Papua New Guinea.



Lunch with some friends...digging that rocking desert!



Not only does she have a smile that brightens your spirit, she has faith and conviction to carry His light to a world of darkness.  She has attracted and bonded with many young people who share her faith and conviction.  We had the opportunity to visit with several of her friends at lunch today.  They too are a joy and an encouragement.

We were hesitant about the trip.  There were many detours along the way because of flooding and tornado damage. We left early before sunrise to make it on time.  All things considered, the trip was not too difficult.



No, this is not the lake. It is water along the detour road!



The sights on the way back were difficult to see.  We passed through the town

of Vilonia where several homes and lives were destroyed by a tornado. The mood was somber but determined as we watched neighbors helping each other along.  While theircommencement is different, they too are an example of hope in the human spirit. They are missionaries within their own neighborhood. They too show promise of a new beginning.



Damaged home in Vilonia



Again, we are thankful for our blessings oh Lord.



What use to be a home.



Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord.

Psalm 31:24

Dear Mother and Daddy

I first must clarify. My family had eight girls and two boys.  I was born next to the last child.  I make this declaration because of a comment that was made to me years ago.  A co-worker, thinking I was always referring to a singular sister, was led to wonder whether I had a very gifted and versatile sister or that I had a creative imagination!  While my siblings do have a variety of special gifts and talents, I could not even begin to create some of our life adventures. Our family, like all, has its issues.  It has its times of joys, sorrows and even moments on the crazy train.



Patsy's letter with my post script!



I received a precious gift in the mail this week.  One of my sisters, Jean was going through her family photos and uncovered a note written by another sister, Patsy and me in 1953.  It was a very difficult time in the lives of our family.  Since I was just a toddler, I have little recollection of that season except the feeling of sadness and confusion. 

Our parents were at a hospital miles away with my critically ill sister Nellie. She was born with a heart condition and was given a very short life expectancy.  The fact that she lived to be sixteen was viewed as a miracle.  Sadly she passed away after a surgical procedure at that tender age.

Our sister Patsy was just barely seven and I two years of age. She was obviously homesick for Mom, Dad and older sister.  Possibly she was growing tired of wrestling with entertaining her younger siblings.  Even in her sadness, she was trying to put on a brave front and comfort those she loved.  To have the gift to comfort others when we ourselves are mourning is a beautiful gift.





Mom and me Mothers Day 1995



How timely that this precious treasure find it’s way back into our hearts this week. Mothers Day weekend is approaching.  It brings a mixed bag for many of us. I have received a great Mothers Day gift through this letter.  It is a reminder, even through the most difficult and darkest times, Love shines triumphantly.

I pray that you all find Comfort and Love this Mothers Day weekend!

“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.” Isaiah 66:13

Easter, L’Phants and Camels – Oh My!



Dan and I...five hours later...still smiling! :)



Dan and I were blessed to spend several days with children and grandchildren over the Easter weekend.  It had been a very long time since we have worshiped together on an Easter Sunday.

Connor, Haley, Lily and Megan riding elephant

Our daughter in law is super organized.  She has every moment scheduled and planned to the minutest detail.  We spent one day at a Medieval Fair. We rode elephants (or L’Phant according to our two year old) and camels with the grandchildren.  There were live chess games, archery lessons and joisting matches among the many five hour events.



Megan, Nana and Connor riding camel.



After Easter morning worship, neighbors gathered at the house for food, fellowship and of course, an egg hunt.  Their neighbors are very sweet.  The ones that came were from different countries or different areas of this country.  Their neighbors were their family.

Neighborhood gathering Easter Sunday

We would love to be a part of every single moment of our children and grandchildren’s lives.  Unfortunately, that so far has not been possible.  The many miles that separate us do not separate our hearts.  We try to make every moment we spend together count.  Maybe if we were closer together we may take those precious moments for granted.



Daugther in law Becky giving driving instructions to Dan.  Note the pink purse!  Only a grandfather!



As we watched the neighborhood laugh and share about their families, once again,we were reminded how gracious God is.  Even though they too are separated by miles from their loved ones, God has provided family to share their lives.  Our children’s home was a banqueting house of love.



Easter Sunday..guess which two are NOT morning people! :)



In this day and age of high technology, one can virtually do everything from home.  They can shop, work and worship.  The world is becoming more and more impersonal. Instead of voice messages, we receive texted messages. It is indeed special to see personal interaction and sharing each others lives.





The "car guys" Papa Dan and Joshua



Joshua next to, as Connor explained, the blue thingy is a "mover arounder" he used to help Mom with landscaping.




Baby Lily is more interested in squashing
bugs than hunting eggs! :)

Many of our Scarf Sisters share love for the same scripture.  I smiled as I read the scripture below that Terry had marked in our traveling Bible.

He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love.

Song of Solomon 2:4