Monday, June 25, 2012
To Ryan and Katie
i have been thinking of sweet baby rowan tonight and thinking of her mom and dad and this song has been playing in my heart..
i just wonder and am so amazed how one little babe could be wound around our hearts and we love so much...it will be a glorious day when those of us who love her and have not seen her as mrs mac and her precious family have, we are surely looking forward to seeing her in heaven...we will see her dear sweet face!...love terry
Sunday, June 24, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 8 (Final Post) - My First Love
My dear Scarf Sisters, some of you know that my husband Ernie went home to heaven unexpectedly in November 2008, six weeks upon our arrival in the Philippines after one year of academic assignment in Maejo University, Chiang Mai, Thailand.
Although his death was sudden, God had prepared me for it in an amazing way. He made sure my heart was ready. I have written many posts about this on my personal blog.
Three months later, on February 14, 2009, I wrote this post... and on this note I want to end my Bible Adventure sharing on this blog.
This month of June 2012, God has also spoken to me that He is once again calling me to return to Him as my First Love. It is an ongoing invitation.
It has been such a blessing allowing you to have a peek into the deepest recesses of my heart. Thank you for walking down this road with me. I love you all!
A page from my online devotional journal Crown of Beauty:
February 14, 2009
February 14, 2009
Therefore, behold, I will allure her.
and bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor
a door of hope,
And there she shall answer
as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out
of the land of Egypt.
Hosea 2:14-15
For the past five months or so, ever since Ernie and I returned to our country after living in Thailand for a year, I have been thinking of writing a post on something that is very close to my heart.
I could not find the time to sit down and pour my heart out, it just was a topic too precious to do haphazardly.
Upon arriving in Manila on September 28 last year, Ernie stayed for two days to be with our daughter Obedient One, before returning alone to Bacolod City, our home town. I stayed in Manila for eight more days because I wanted more time to be with our daughter.
In my previous post entries I have written about the many things that were waiting for me upon my return. One of them was the forthcoming birth of our first grandson, Matthew. He was born in October.
Only a month after Matthew was born, Ernie passed away.
This was an unexpected happening, and the two months following this event have seen me re-arranging my life, and preparing for the new season that I now find myself in.
Somehow, the post I had been wanting to do never got written, but it has kept burning in my heart.
I would have wanted to devote more time to this post, to think this one out very well, but I sense in my heart a prompting, an urgency to just write it down, as the words flow out of my heart.
I firmly believe that we are not only living in the last days of the kingdom of darkness, or the end times. If the chronological clock on which our earthly time operates could be depicted as a twelve-hour clock, I believe that the hands on that clock show that we are already at the eleventh hour.
The clock is ticking, there isn't much time left.
I am a writer a heart: I love to read and I love to write. But in early 2008, when this blog was only a few weeks old, I did some soul-searching and told myself that on the pages of this blog I will not write to get recognition and praise. Nor will I write to teach, admonish, or preach doctrine. Other websites are already doing that very well.
I will just write what is on my heart -- about my love for God, my love for my husband and children - my family, my friends, my country, and my love for Israel.
Doing that gives me the freedom to be God's channel... to be His voice, to be His messenger.
Because of the busy-ness of the past months, there has not been as much quality time as I used to have with Him. Waking up in the early hours of the morning, pursuing an intimate relationship with God.
I have really missed this part of my life.
And, there has been a repeated invitation to return to my first love, to go back, and to re-affirm my covenant relationship with my God and King.
God is always wanting to re-initiate this covenant with us.
And He has been calling me to re-connect, to return.
It's not that I have strayed far... I still love Him, I still look to Him as the source, the wellspring of my life. But with the many voices calling out to me, it has been easy to be distracted, and to look away.
I also realize that because of the years that I have spent just looking into His face, beholding His beauty and glory, there is a residue of oil that I have built up... so that when I am called upon to minister, to help a fellow traveler, they get refreshed, and somehow ministered to. I am giving out of that reserve.
But there have been times when the words on my lips taste like paper, and I find myself repeating old phrases from old prayers that once had power and anointing.
I cannot go on living this way. I need to build up fresh reserves for the journey ahead.
Re-set my priorities. Re-focus my spiritual lenses.
Re-kindle my first love.
I want to look again at, and be carried away by, the beauty of my God.
This is what will draw me away from other "lovers" or places of compromise.
Oh, there are just too many opportunities to compromise. I have learned the right language to use, even the right songs to sing, the right verses to refer to.
And right now, what I feel is that God is calling me, once again giving me that invitation.
He is saying, "You don't need to try to impress others with your spirituality. That is not what I am after. I am after your heart, your pure heart. Renew your covenant relationship with me."
And so I have been reading the passage from Hosea 2:14-15, one of my favorites, a passage that was first spoken to me many years ago when I knew He was taking me to a higher level of knowing Him.
He led me to the wilderness, so that He could comfort me, and there speak tenderly to me, and tell me that He will give me back my vineyards, and that I will sing again, the way I did in the days of my youth, the way I did when I got out of Egypt.
Yes, out in the wilderness is the place where God wants to renew me. Because out in the wilderness there are not too many voices... and choices... to distract me.
I am really reaching the point where I am telling God I am sorry for having allowed myself to be disconnected.
In a CD teaching that I listened to on October 3, a teaching entitled "Call to Intimacy" by Rhonda Hughey, I was struck by these words:
And today is the best time to say to God,
You're the One I adoreand bring her into the wilderness,
and speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards,
and make the Valley of Achor
a door of hope,
And there she shall answer
as in the days of her youth,
as at the time when she came out
of the land of Egypt.
Hosea 2:14-15
For the past five months or so, ever since Ernie and I returned to our country after living in Thailand for a year, I have been thinking of writing a post on something that is very close to my heart.
I could not find the time to sit down and pour my heart out, it just was a topic too precious to do haphazardly.
Upon arriving in Manila on September 28 last year, Ernie stayed for two days to be with our daughter Obedient One, before returning alone to Bacolod City, our home town. I stayed in Manila for eight more days because I wanted more time to be with our daughter.
In my previous post entries I have written about the many things that were waiting for me upon my return. One of them was the forthcoming birth of our first grandson, Matthew. He was born in October.
Only a month after Matthew was born, Ernie passed away.
This was an unexpected happening, and the two months following this event have seen me re-arranging my life, and preparing for the new season that I now find myself in.
Somehow, the post I had been wanting to do never got written, but it has kept burning in my heart.
I would have wanted to devote more time to this post, to think this one out very well, but I sense in my heart a prompting, an urgency to just write it down, as the words flow out of my heart.
I firmly believe that we are not only living in the last days of the kingdom of darkness, or the end times. If the chronological clock on which our earthly time operates could be depicted as a twelve-hour clock, I believe that the hands on that clock show that we are already at the eleventh hour.
The clock is ticking, there isn't much time left.
I am a writer a heart: I love to read and I love to write. But in early 2008, when this blog was only a few weeks old, I did some soul-searching and told myself that on the pages of this blog I will not write to get recognition and praise. Nor will I write to teach, admonish, or preach doctrine. Other websites are already doing that very well.
I will just write what is on my heart -- about my love for God, my love for my husband and children - my family, my friends, my country, and my love for Israel.
Doing that gives me the freedom to be God's channel... to be His voice, to be His messenger.
Because of the busy-ness of the past months, there has not been as much quality time as I used to have with Him. Waking up in the early hours of the morning, pursuing an intimate relationship with God.
I have really missed this part of my life.
And, there has been a repeated invitation to return to my first love, to go back, and to re-affirm my covenant relationship with my God and King.
God is always wanting to re-initiate this covenant with us.
And He has been calling me to re-connect, to return.
It's not that I have strayed far... I still love Him, I still look to Him as the source, the wellspring of my life. But with the many voices calling out to me, it has been easy to be distracted, and to look away.
I also realize that because of the years that I have spent just looking into His face, beholding His beauty and glory, there is a residue of oil that I have built up... so that when I am called upon to minister, to help a fellow traveler, they get refreshed, and somehow ministered to. I am giving out of that reserve.
But there have been times when the words on my lips taste like paper, and I find myself repeating old phrases from old prayers that once had power and anointing.
I cannot go on living this way. I need to build up fresh reserves for the journey ahead.
Re-set my priorities. Re-focus my spiritual lenses.
Re-kindle my first love.
I want to look again at, and be carried away by, the beauty of my God.
This is what will draw me away from other "lovers" or places of compromise.
Oh, there are just too many opportunities to compromise. I have learned the right language to use, even the right songs to sing, the right verses to refer to.
And right now, what I feel is that God is calling me, once again giving me that invitation.
He is saying, "You don't need to try to impress others with your spirituality. That is not what I am after. I am after your heart, your pure heart. Renew your covenant relationship with me."
And so I have been reading the passage from Hosea 2:14-15, one of my favorites, a passage that was first spoken to me many years ago when I knew He was taking me to a higher level of knowing Him.
He led me to the wilderness, so that He could comfort me, and there speak tenderly to me, and tell me that He will give me back my vineyards, and that I will sing again, the way I did in the days of my youth, the way I did when I got out of Egypt.
Yes, out in the wilderness is the place where God wants to renew me. Because out in the wilderness there are not too many voices... and choices... to distract me.
I am really reaching the point where I am telling God I am sorry for having allowed myself to be disconnected.
In a CD teaching that I listened to on October 3, a teaching entitled "Call to Intimacy" by Rhonda Hughey, I was struck by these words:
...when we're disconnected we lose our fruitfulness.
...when we're not in covenant relationship with God,we're barren.
...barrenness is directly related to our lack of covenant relationship.
...all we have are the substitutes
...God becomes a taskmaster, a "disciplinarian," when we're wandering away from Him.
...we find the "names of Baals" on our lips
And today is the best time to say to God,
"I
don't want substitutes. Things that make me feel good, and look good,
and sound good... but they are not flowing out of a deep intimate
relationship with God."
"I don't want the 'names of Baals' on my lips."
I want the real thing, and to go back to sing my song of love, as I did when I just got out of Egypt, the time when my heart was very tender, and was on fire for Him.
I am going back to my First Love.
The teaching about the five wise and the five foolish virgins is also being repeatedly impressed upon my heart.
I want to be as one of the five wise virgins who carried an extra supply of oil, outside of themselves, as a safeguard against burnout, when the arrival of the bridegroom was delayed. The reserve oil that I have in myself will not suffice for the days of the difficult journey ahead.
Years ago I heard a song by Vineyard, and it has never left my heart. I sing this song often in my heart, and today, I find these words to be very appropriate for what God is telling me.
"I don't want the 'names of Baals' on my lips."
I want the real thing, and to go back to sing my song of love, as I did when I just got out of Egypt, the time when my heart was very tender, and was on fire for Him.
I am going back to my First Love.
The teaching about the five wise and the five foolish virgins is also being repeatedly impressed upon my heart.
I want to be as one of the five wise virgins who carried an extra supply of oil, outside of themselves, as a safeguard against burnout, when the arrival of the bridegroom was delayed. The reserve oil that I have in myself will not suffice for the days of the difficult journey ahead.
Years ago I heard a song by Vineyard, and it has never left my heart. I sing this song often in my heart, and today, I find these words to be very appropriate for what God is telling me.
My first love is Jesus
My first love is my Savior
You're the One that I'm living for
My first love is Jesus
You're the Strength of my life
My first love is my Master
You hold the keys to my life
Jesus, Lord Jesus...
Lord Jesus,You're my First Love
How i love You
Oh...how I love You Lord
Dear friend, do you find yourself to be running on dwindling reserves of oil? Then I invite you together with me, to go back to our First Love.... He stands at the door and knocks, He is calling us to back into that place of fruitfulness, back to the fire of His love.
Yes, the clock is at the eleventh hour, and there isn't much time left. But there is still time to go back, to return, to go deeper into our relationship with Him. To discard the substitutes. To reject lesser loves. To hunger and thirst only for what is real.
My prayer: Jesus, I have heard your voice gently calling out to me. And though I have wanted to respond, other voices have distracted me. And how often have I looked away, and ignored that voice. I am sorry, Lord. But today, thank you that you have seen my heart, and you have re-kindled the fires of my first love for you. I can't say anything more... only thank you for having me back. Bring me higher, closer to your heart.
Journal Entry: February 14, 2009
Bacolod City
The Parable of the Ten Virgins by Gavin Finley
History of Hanukkah
Friday, June 22, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 7 - Valley of Vision
There are many chapters in my personal Bible Adventure, and it has been a joy sharing some of them with you, my dear Scarf Sisters. This is the second to the last post that I am sharing on our Sisterhood blog. I am also in Manila for just two more days before I return to my home city of Bacolod. Thank you everyone for walking with me even just for a brief season. I know my posts are not bite-size pieces... but maybe huge chunks... but thank you everyone for your precious company. You have been such an encouragement to me.
Valley of Vision
Flower in Morning Sun
photo credit
Where there is no vision, the people perish...
- Proverbs 29:18
Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
- Habakkuk 2:2-3
We may have shining moments of inspiration on the mountain tops, but most of our lives take place down in the valleys.
I remember being admonished by Hans Burki, the Swiss retreat director that I have mentioned on some of my previous blog posts, as we were about to end the month long retreat we had up in the Alps, "Live out in the valleys what you have experienced up here in the mountains."
It was late spring of 1997. As my friends and I left Rasa to go back to Zurich, and eventually to our own countries, I looked forward to the weeks ahead of me with a sense of excitement and several noble intentions.
My peak experiences had equipped me with new tools to do some changes in my life, and I was ready and eager to work on those changes right away.
The month we spent up in the Swiss Alps to personally experience the spiritual disciplines of solitude, meditation, and contemplation under Hans was such a life changing experience for me.
I really thought it would be easy to apply and live out the spiritual principles we were taught.
But later I realized that down here in the valley, life was different. Up in the mountains there were no distractions, it was easier to focus, and to concentrate.
Down in the valley of everyday life, it was another story.
Being a city girl, I have not experienced what it's like to live in a real valley -- that stretch of low land lying between hills or mountains, and usually having a stream or a river flowing through it.
It's good to know God does not require me to live out my life in a literal valley.
I really am not a valley kind of person, I prefer to spend my time up in the mountains.
However, time in the valley is very important for growth. The valley is where the battles of life are fought, where I learn to strike the right balance between activity and inner silence, where I become adept at hearing the voice of God above the noise and empty chatter around me, and where I gain the skills in making God honoring choices as I travel on.
Then I give myself time to be recharged, renewed, and refreshed by going up the mountain regularly.
It isn't so easy to reach a mountain where I live, but I have discovered that there are wonderful "mountain substitutes" right where I am!
What are these mountains that I speak of?
My bedroom, for one, is a spiritual mountain for me...
my prayer room...
my father's house in Manila...
a coffee shop, especially Starbucks.
One or two afternoons a week I would buy me a Cafe Latte grande, find a comfortable spot, bring out my Bible, my books, my prayer journal, and sometimes, my laptop...and for the next three or four hours spend a most delightful time, just me and God, up on that "mountain."
But one can't stay up in the mountains forever. Before too long, it's time to go down to the valley again.
Cagayan Valley, Philippines photo credit
Yes, it's great to be up on the mountain, but the valley is where we need to go to have our spiritual faculties sharpened, tested and proven.
Recently I came to realize that vision is not gained up in the mountains of our lives.
We get perspective from the mountain, but vision is gained down in the valley.
Vision is a way of seeing, using our spiritual eyes to see beneath the surface, beyond what our natural eyes are looking at.
Vision is discernment, or perception.
We need to have a vision of what God has called you and me to be.
We need to have a vision of where our journey is taking us.
We need to have an understanding if our provisions are adequate, or if they are running low.
Vision is vital, for without it we will certainly lose our way.
Vision can be likened to a road map, although unlike a literal map, the specifics will not always be clearly spelled out.
We gain that much-needed vision while we are in the valley.
Boxley Valley Sunrise
On a more personal note, things began to fall into place for me when I saw the vision of what God has called me to be. I have already shared part of this vision on the sidebar of my blog, as well as in several of my earlier posts.
God is calling you and me to know Him more, but unless we are willing to spend time in the valley where our faulty spiritual foundations are exposed, we will find it difficult to make spiritual progress.
In our heart of hearts there is always a longing to go deeper, to see beyond... Do you know what I mean? It almost feels like a burning ache, a continual hunger for something more.
This longing did not originate with us, it was placed there by God, for this really is what God desires of each one of us His children. He doesn't want us to just know about him intellectually, he wants us to have a true encounter with Him.
And it is down in the valleys of our lives where we come face to face with this hunger, that deep longing to be satisfied.
Being involved in a deep level healing ministry, I have seen the many ways that this hunger drives men and women into many false and harmful ways of seeking satisfaction.
And the valley, if we stay there long enough, is where we come to understand that this ache...this longing... this hunger, was given by God and that He alone is the One who can answer it!
God invites us to spend time in the valleys of life to discover for ourselves the many ways by which He reveals this truth to us.
Spending time in these valleys has truly changed me.
It continually amazes me to realize that in these valleys are many God-ordained opportunities for the diligent seeker to find Him, draw closer to His heart, and receive satisfaction for the spiritual longings of our hearts.
There is the Valley of Achor, literally a valley of trouble or temptation. Yet this valley has opened up for me a door of hope, a place of rest, singing, and restoration.
There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. Hosea 2:15
Sharon will be a pasture land for flocks, and the valley of Achor a resting place for herds, for My people who seek Me. Isaiah 65:10
I have also spent time in the Valley of Baca, literally a "valley of tears." But surprisingly, this valley was the place where I regained my strength, and when I watered it with my tears, the tears became a refreshing pool of encouragement and new strength for the journey ahead.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs;the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength... Psalm 84:5-7
Among my favorite valleys to visit is the Valley of Gerar, it literally means the valley of rumination, or meditation. It is the valley where Isaac dwelt for a time, watered by the wells of Abraham that Isaac dug again after they were stopped up by the Philistines.
Understandably, this valley is such a special place for me.
So Isaac moved away from there and encamped in the Valley of Gerar and settled there. Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, Genesis 26:17-18
There are other valleys...
the valley of the shadow of death, where I discovered the comfort of the Shepherd's care (Psalm 23)...
the valley of Elah, that fearful place of confrontation where David slayed Goliath, and it became a valley of vindication (1 Samuel 21)...
the valley of burial in Moab where Moses' body was laid to rest (Deuteronomy 34:6).
There is the valley of decision, or the Valley of Jehoshaphat, where the nations will be gathered in the last days and will be judged on the basis of how they have treated the nation of Israel (Joel 3).
And of course, the valley of vision, the best place to learn how to prepare ourselves for the day of adversity and judgment (Isaiah 22).
More than the idyllic, pastoral scenes depicted by the pictures, the valley is where God calls us out of our comfort zones, that we may learn to endure and persevere, and depend on Him alone.
Here we grapple with the routine, the mundane, and sometimes ugly and pain-filled issues confronting us. This valley is real, not a beautiful painting on exhibit.
Cancer, financial reversals, a rebellious daughter, a son caught in the web of drug abuse or alcoholism, adultery...and what about old age, or just the daily grind, the exhaustion of working at a job that has ceased to be meaningful for us... these are just some of the issues we may be facing in our individual valleys.
But truly, God intends for us to run to Him, to cling to Him, to cry out to Him in our valleys...that we may know the truth that He walks with us in our journey, and in knowing, be transformed.
It is truly a place of being re-aligned and re-positioned for His purposes, where God brings us out into a broad place, a larger place of understanding the ultimate goal He has for you, and for me: to experience the reality of His love.
Indeed, the valley is that special place where vision and encouragement for the next step of the journey are given.
I remember being admonished by Hans Burki, the Swiss retreat director that I have mentioned on some of my previous blog posts, as we were about to end the month long retreat we had up in the Alps, "Live out in the valleys what you have experienced up here in the mountains."
It was late spring of 1997. As my friends and I left Rasa to go back to Zurich, and eventually to our own countries, I looked forward to the weeks ahead of me with a sense of excitement and several noble intentions.
My peak experiences had equipped me with new tools to do some changes in my life, and I was ready and eager to work on those changes right away.
The month we spent up in the Swiss Alps to personally experience the spiritual disciplines of solitude, meditation, and contemplation under Hans was such a life changing experience for me.
I really thought it would be easy to apply and live out the spiritual principles we were taught.
But later I realized that down here in the valley, life was different. Up in the mountains there were no distractions, it was easier to focus, and to concentrate.
Down in the valley of everyday life, it was another story.
Being a city girl, I have not experienced what it's like to live in a real valley -- that stretch of low land lying between hills or mountains, and usually having a stream or a river flowing through it.
It's good to know God does not require me to live out my life in a literal valley.
I really am not a valley kind of person, I prefer to spend my time up in the mountains.
However, time in the valley is very important for growth. The valley is where the battles of life are fought, where I learn to strike the right balance between activity and inner silence, where I become adept at hearing the voice of God above the noise and empty chatter around me, and where I gain the skills in making God honoring choices as I travel on.
Then I give myself time to be recharged, renewed, and refreshed by going up the mountain regularly.
It isn't so easy to reach a mountain where I live, but I have discovered that there are wonderful "mountain substitutes" right where I am!
What are these mountains that I speak of?
My bedroom, for one, is a spiritual mountain for me...
my prayer room...
my father's house in Manila...
a coffee shop, especially Starbucks.
One or two afternoons a week I would buy me a Cafe Latte grande, find a comfortable spot, bring out my Bible, my books, my prayer journal, and sometimes, my laptop...and for the next three or four hours spend a most delightful time, just me and God, up on that "mountain."
But one can't stay up in the mountains forever. Before too long, it's time to go down to the valley again.
Cagayan Valley, Philippines photo creditYes, it's great to be up on the mountain, but the valley is where we need to go to have our spiritual faculties sharpened, tested and proven.
Recently I came to realize that vision is not gained up in the mountains of our lives.
We get perspective from the mountain, but vision is gained down in the valley.
Vision is a way of seeing, using our spiritual eyes to see beneath the surface, beyond what our natural eyes are looking at.
Vision is discernment, or perception.
We need to have a vision of what God has called you and me to be.
We need to have a vision of where our journey is taking us.
We need to have an understanding if our provisions are adequate, or if they are running low.
Vision is vital, for without it we will certainly lose our way.
Vision can be likened to a road map, although unlike a literal map, the specifics will not always be clearly spelled out.
We gain that much-needed vision while we are in the valley.
Boxley Valley SunriseOn a more personal note, things began to fall into place for me when I saw the vision of what God has called me to be. I have already shared part of this vision on the sidebar of my blog, as well as in several of my earlier posts.
God is calling you and me to know Him more, but unless we are willing to spend time in the valley where our faulty spiritual foundations are exposed, we will find it difficult to make spiritual progress.
In our heart of hearts there is always a longing to go deeper, to see beyond... Do you know what I mean? It almost feels like a burning ache, a continual hunger for something more.
This longing did not originate with us, it was placed there by God, for this really is what God desires of each one of us His children. He doesn't want us to just know about him intellectually, he wants us to have a true encounter with Him.
And it is down in the valleys of our lives where we come face to face with this hunger, that deep longing to be satisfied.
Being involved in a deep level healing ministry, I have seen the many ways that this hunger drives men and women into many false and harmful ways of seeking satisfaction.
And the valley, if we stay there long enough, is where we come to understand that this ache...this longing... this hunger, was given by God and that He alone is the One who can answer it!
God invites us to spend time in the valleys of life to discover for ourselves the many ways by which He reveals this truth to us.
Spending time in these valleys has truly changed me.
It continually amazes me to realize that in these valleys are many God-ordained opportunities for the diligent seeker to find Him, draw closer to His heart, and receive satisfaction for the spiritual longings of our hearts.
There is the Valley of Achor, literally a valley of trouble or temptation. Yet this valley has opened up for me a door of hope, a place of rest, singing, and restoration.
There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. Hosea 2:15
Sharon will be a pasture land for flocks, and the valley of Achor a resting place for herds, for My people who seek Me. Isaiah 65:10
I have also spent time in the Valley of Baca, literally a "valley of tears." But surprisingly, this valley was the place where I regained my strength, and when I watered it with my tears, the tears became a refreshing pool of encouragement and new strength for the journey ahead.
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs;the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength... Psalm 84:5-7
Among my favorite valleys to visit is the Valley of Gerar, it literally means the valley of rumination, or meditation. It is the valley where Isaac dwelt for a time, watered by the wells of Abraham that Isaac dug again after they were stopped up by the Philistines.
Understandably, this valley is such a special place for me.
So Isaac moved away from there and encamped in the Valley of Gerar and settled there. Isaac reopened the wells that had been dug in the time of his father Abraham, Genesis 26:17-18
There are other valleys...
the valley of the shadow of death, where I discovered the comfort of the Shepherd's care (Psalm 23)...
the valley of Elah, that fearful place of confrontation where David slayed Goliath, and it became a valley of vindication (1 Samuel 21)...
the valley of burial in Moab where Moses' body was laid to rest (Deuteronomy 34:6).
There is the valley of decision, or the Valley of Jehoshaphat, where the nations will be gathered in the last days and will be judged on the basis of how they have treated the nation of Israel (Joel 3).
And of course, the valley of vision, the best place to learn how to prepare ourselves for the day of adversity and judgment (Isaiah 22).
More than the idyllic, pastoral scenes depicted by the pictures, the valley is where God calls us out of our comfort zones, that we may learn to endure and persevere, and depend on Him alone.
Here we grapple with the routine, the mundane, and sometimes ugly and pain-filled issues confronting us. This valley is real, not a beautiful painting on exhibit.
Cancer, financial reversals, a rebellious daughter, a son caught in the web of drug abuse or alcoholism, adultery...and what about old age, or just the daily grind, the exhaustion of working at a job that has ceased to be meaningful for us... these are just some of the issues we may be facing in our individual valleys.
But truly, God intends for us to run to Him, to cling to Him, to cry out to Him in our valleys...that we may know the truth that He walks with us in our journey, and in knowing, be transformed.
It is truly a place of being re-aligned and re-positioned for His purposes, where God brings us out into a broad place, a larger place of understanding the ultimate goal He has for you, and for me: to experience the reality of His love.
Indeed, the valley is that special place where vision and encouragement for the next step of the journey are given.
Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.
Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive,
that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine;
let me find Thy light in my darkness,
Thy life in my death,
Thy joy in my sorrow,
Thy grace in my sin,
Thy riches in my poverty,
Thy glory in my valley.
Be Thou My Vision
translated from Old Irish by Mary Byrne
English versification by Eleanor Hull
translated from Old Irish by Mary Byrne
English versification by Eleanor Hull
- Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
- Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
- Thou my best thought by day or by night,
- Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.
- Be thou my wisdom, thou my true word,
- I ever with thee and thou with me Lord;
- Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
- Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.
- Be thou my battle shield, sword for the fight;
- Be thou my dignity, thou my delight;
- Thou my soul's shelter, thou my high tower:
- Raise thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.
- Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
- Thou mine inheritance now and always;
- Thou and thou only first in my heart;
- High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.
- High King of heaven, my victory won,
- May I reach heaven's joys, O Bright Heaven's sun!;
- Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
- Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.
Journal Entry: July 17, 2010
Thursday, June 21, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 6 - Jacob's New Name
"Then Jacob was left alone;
and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day."
- Genesis 32:24
It was my first week in Rasa.
During the evening session, Hans asked us a question. I can’t recall what the question was. Others in the group began giving their responses; finally, my turn came. Still thinking of how to put my thoughts into words, I began my sentence with a qualifier, something like, “Hans, I do not know if what I feel makes sense to you, but...”
Hans stopped me with a remark. He said something like, “Why do you always want to be sure you are correct? It seems like you always want to impress, just like the Pharisees....”
My initial reaction after hearing those words was to retreat inside my own heart. His comment didn’t really affect me at once. I simply sat there until the session was over.
Later at the cafeteria some of my fellow participants began to gather around me, one or two of them held my hand, another gave me a hug, none of them said anything at all. Slowly I began to realize that they were feeling something for me...probably because of what took place earlier during the session.
At that time, I didn’t think much of what Hans said. After all, I had only been in Rasa a week; he didn’t really know me. For me it was just a casual comment that could be discarded... never to be thought of again.
But after the wordless sympathy offered by some of my fellow participants, something in my heart gave way.
Alone in my room that night, I couldn’t sleep. Hans' words came back to me: “always wanting to impress... just like the Pharisees...”
I began asking, “Well, what was a Pharisee?”
The answer didn't take long to come: a Pharisee was a self-righteous person who took pride in always being right.
Was I like a Pharisee?
Was it true that I was always wanting to impress others?
Anger and confusion began to rise up in my heart. I thought I had gone to Rasa as a whole person, not really needing anything. My purpose for going was to learn new things, I went as an observer, a spectator of sorts.
At that time, I didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with me. So, if Hans was going to make me begin feeling like I was blind to my true inner condition, I felt that the best thing for me was to get out of that place as soon as possible. I planned on calling my husband in the morning to have him arrange a return flight for me right away.
The Rasa bell tower sounded the hour. It was 3:00 a.m. Not only had I not slept a wink, my eyes were puffy from crying.
Suddenly I realized that I was in a wrestling match with God.
“Who am I really, Lord? Protect me, dear God, save me. Don’t let any harm be done to me. I cling to You now, for You are my only hope....”
Holding on to God, yet demanding to understand and hear the truth from Him. I heard myself saying these familiar words, “I will not let You go unless You bless Me.”
I was Jacob, struggling with God.
Well, it was really a God-moment. God spoke to my heart. He said, “You are safe here. You will not be harmed. I am with you.”
There was a blessing of peace that came, and I finally fell asleep.
There were no instant answers that morning, but the story of Jacob’s struggle with God became very real to me in the days that were to follow.
Three days later, at Lectio Divina during which Hans would ask us to close our eyes as we listened to him read a Bible passage to us, I was surprised to hear the very story of Jacob (Genesis 32:22-31):
And he arose that night, and took his two wives, his two female servants, and his eleven sons, and crossed over the ford of Jabbok. He took them over the brook, and sent over what he had.
Then Jacob was left alone; and a Man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob's hip was out of joint as He wrestled with him.
And He said, "Let Me go, for the day breaks." But he said, "I will not let you go unless You bless me!"
So He said to him, "What is your name?" He said, "Jacob."
And He said, "Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel; for you have struggled with God and with men, and have prevailed."
Then Jacob asked, saying, "Tell me Your name, I pray." And He said, "Why is it that you ask about My name?" And He blessed him there.
So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: "For I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved."
Just as he crossed over Penuel the sun rose on him, and he limped on his hip.
The story did come alive in my heart as I re-lived it. There Jacob was, standing on the north bank of the river Jabbok... alone with his doubts, and his fears.
He knew he was at a dead end. The time had come for him to even the score with Esau, the brother he had cheated twenty years ago. This time, not only was there no place for him to hide, the stakes were much higher, too. He had two wives, eleven sons, and great possessions. He was a very rich man.
Indeed, the God who promised to bless him had kept His part of the "bargain," but Jacob knew he needed so much more than just great wealth and a quiver full of sons. He was tired of the scheming and the manipulating, of running away, and taking things into his own hands. Maybe he was looking for a sense of purpose in his life, and waiting for the fulfillment of the covenant promise God spoke to him at Bethel.
But what could he do? Despite some external changes, deep inside he was still the same Jacob -- the cheater, the supplanter. He badly needed a change of heart. He was crossing the ford for this reason: to seek the God of Abraham and Isaac.
God once again meets him at his point of need. I have heard it said that this story is about persevering in prayer. Maybe so. But the story also says that it was a real wrestling match. And in this match, Jacob knew it was "do or die", his last chance to get answers to the deep longings of his heart. He gives it his best shot.
And God, the covenant keeper, does three things:
First, He brings Jacob to the end of himself, and gets him to admit who he really is before God. Jacob clings to God in weakness. "My name is Jacob, a heel-grabber, this is who I am." Jacob's desperation and humble confession move God's heart.
Then God changes him from inside.
Finally, God gives him a new name to match the new nature. "You will no longer be called Jacob, but Israel," God says. No longer Cheat, but Prince, the Noble One.
Jacob's limp will forever remind him of this encounter. Indeed, he is a transformed man.
At one point in the story, I realized that it was no longer Jacob struggling with God, but me! And it seemed like God was also asking me my name...
That encounter led me to see many things that I never saw before. I was given the courage to admit before God who I really was, the same way Jacob did.
I had to confess that my old name was Proud, the perfectionist, always wanting to appear right, always wanting to impress. Surprisingly, admitting so was not painful anymore. On the contrary, it set me free. Free to be who God really created me to be.
God gave me a new name -- Humble.
No longer needing to pin a label on myself for others to see each time I did something good.
No longer demanding to have such high standards, not just for myself, but for others around me as well.
My new name set me free, and enabled me to set others free, from my own set of expectations.
My new name also gave me a new orientation, a new way of speaking:
Humble says, "It's okay to be good enough."
Humble says, "I accept you even when you don't measure up...because I am no longer the standard, God is."
Humble says, “I won’t try to fit life into my mold, nor will I expect people or circumstances to suit my agenda... because God is the Sovereign One over all areas of my life.”
Jesus says:
Walk with me and work with me--
watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won't try to lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me
and you'll learn to live freely and lightly.
-Matthew 11:29-30 (The Message)
Journal Entry: July 18, 2008
Chiang Mai, Thailand
Sunday, June 17, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 5 - Rasa Revisited
Honestly speaking, I am very much aware that over the years, the word Filipino (a native of the Philippines) has acquired derogatory undertones and connotations. Being one, I will not attempt to defend myself. But among the reasons I have been brave enough to bare my soul on this medium is to help the world discover the hidden beauty of the Filipino heart. God is redeeming what the Enemy has stolen. Thank you. dear blog reader, for taking the time...
Rasa Revisited
Rasa Revisited
In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength...."
Isaiah 30:15
I had been reading from Genesis 26 –the story of
how Isaac dug again the old wells of Abraham, his father-- and I had
been thinking of its significance for me.
The chapter is not new to me, but this time around, it felt as if I had
come across it for the first time. I was like a thirsty traveler
stopping at Rehoboth, the Well of Room Enough, to refill my water bags for the long journey ahead.
I know God has many things to say to me, but these days my heart feels like a well that has been stopped up. The realization hits me: I need to clear my heart of clutter and debris. I need to re-dig some old wells that had been a source of spiritual nourishment to me in the past.
It is true. There had been many changes over the past months and years… and I needed to pause long enough to listen.
I needed to go back to my Valley of Gerar, “the valley of meditation” and dwell there for a while.
Indeed, life has been moving fast for me, especially since the year 2000. And if things are taking place one after the other, past events tend to get buried or overshadowed by the more recent happenings.
Tucked underneath the layers of memories in my heart is one life-changing experience that took place in 1997: Rasa.
As I began thinking of re-digging my Rehoboth, the Well of Room Enough, and of going back to my Valley of Gerar, the memory of Rasa somehow found its way to the surface.
When my sister and I were young Papa would come home on payday nights with a new story book for us. He would read to us at bedtime, and I would often keep a favorite book under my pillow. We had a shelf for our special books, from which, on a rainy day, I would pick out one and spend hours reading through it one more time. How grateful I am that my parents raised us up on good books! The Tale of Peter Rabbit, Heidi, Black Beauty, Tom Sawyer, and Little Women, to name a few, were among my favorites.
I know God has many things to say to me, but these days my heart feels like a well that has been stopped up. The realization hits me: I need to clear my heart of clutter and debris. I need to re-dig some old wells that had been a source of spiritual nourishment to me in the past.
It is true. There had been many changes over the past months and years… and I needed to pause long enough to listen.
I needed to go back to my Valley of Gerar, “the valley of meditation” and dwell there for a while.
Indeed, life has been moving fast for me, especially since the year 2000. And if things are taking place one after the other, past events tend to get buried or overshadowed by the more recent happenings.
Tucked underneath the layers of memories in my heart is one life-changing experience that took place in 1997: Rasa.
As I began thinking of re-digging my Rehoboth, the Well of Room Enough, and of going back to my Valley of Gerar, the memory of Rasa somehow found its way to the surface.
When my sister and I were young Papa would come home on payday nights with a new story book for us. He would read to us at bedtime, and I would often keep a favorite book under my pillow. We had a shelf for our special books, from which, on a rainy day, I would pick out one and spend hours reading through it one more time. How grateful I am that my parents raised us up on good books! The Tale of Peter Rabbit, Heidi, Black Beauty, Tom Sawyer, and Little Women, to name a few, were among my favorites.
I gently picked up the memory of Rasa like I would a favorite book on a rainy day, and leafed through its pages once again.
Rasa is a major chapter in my life story, a turning point in my life where God began to reveal to me the deeper things about His heart. It was a deep spiritual experience for me, but the memory of it had somehow been pushed aside.
Sitting in the front room of our Chiang Mai flat, and thinking of Isaac’s wells one morning in February, this verse suddenly came to my mind:
Rasa is a major chapter in my life story, a turning point in my life where God began to reveal to me the deeper things about His heart. It was a deep spiritual experience for me, but the memory of it had somehow been pushed aside.
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| Open Book by DP Carr |
Sitting in the front room of our Chiang Mai flat, and thinking of Isaac’s wells one morning in February, this verse suddenly came to my mind:
“For God alone my soul waits in silence.”
The verse came as a surprise, and a delight. It was like an old friend that unexpectedly arrived, softly knocking at my front door, a friend I had not seen for a long, long time.
The verse is from Psalm 62:1, and is the beginning line of my personal liturgy. The original words of my liturgy actually read as:
“My soul finds rest in God alone.”
It
was in Rasa where I learned the importance of having a personal
liturgy, but my liturgy, a source of refreshing for me in years gone by,
had long been buried under layers of concerns. (In another blog entry I will share the importance of having a personal liturgy and how to write one.)
Suddenly, God retrieves that line out from where it has been hidden, and speaks it to me. I realize that He is giving me specific directions to go back to the rest of that Rasa chapter and learn new truths from it.
Suddenly, God retrieves that line out from where it has been hidden, and speaks it to me. I realize that He is giving me specific directions to go back to the rest of that Rasa chapter and learn new truths from it.
Rasa
is a little village in the Ticino, a canton in the southern part of
Switzerland near the Italian border. Located 900 meters above sea level
in a sunny terrace of the Swiss Alps, this mountain village is found in
the region with a fascinating name: Centovalli, literally “the valley of
the hundred valleys.”
Rasa was built in the 18th century, but in the 1960s when most of its population had started moving out, its survival as a village was endangered. By God’s providence, at around the same time, the VBG - Vereinigte Bibelgruppen (UBG in English, or United Bible Groups), a Swiss-German-run interdenominational Christian movement, began buying some of the old houses to set up a retreat center in the village. And Campo Rasa was born.
Many of the abandoned buildings were in disrepair, but they were gradually restored. Careful and well-researched renovations were done to maintain the original condition and character of the 250-year old manors. To respect the old structure of the houses also meant doing without too many modern conveniences.
Rasa, a cluster of stone houses, is a tranquil spot in the middle of a serene but powerful scenery. One finds few traces of the modern world here. The village is accessible only by cable car or by a two-hour uphill hike. No cars can ever reach it, so the surrounding landscape has remained unspoiled. Upon reaching it, one is immediately struck by the simplicity and authenticity of the place.
For one month, in the summer of 1997, I had the rare privilege of being in this place, living in Casa Fonte, one of the houses owned by Campo Rasa. Casa Fonte is a palazzo (a large and impressive private residence) with meter-thick walls under original vaults and roofs made of centuries-old chestnut timber.
Twenty-three of us from different countries had enrolled at Campo Rasa’s Life Revision Retreat and everyday for one month, we sat together under the mentorship of Hans Burki. Hans was a 75-year old Swiss who taught us how to cultivate and integrate the spiritual disciplines of solitude, meditation and contemplation into our daily lives.
The Rasa chapter of my life holds many beautiful events. For me, the month I spent in this lovely Alpine village is one of those precious heaven-to-earth connections, where God spoke new things to my heart at a time I needed to hear them most.
I appreciate the opportunity that God has given me these days to re-dig this old well. Indeed, this well had been forgotten, and now I was being given the chance to revisit Rasa.
Before Ernie and I left for Thailand in September 2007, I had begun a major house cleaning project. I had planned on opening up all our cabinets and cupboards, going through every room and looking inside the drawers and filing cabinets, sorting out all the accumulated stuff, choosing which ones to keep, and which ones to discard or give away.
Rasa was built in the 18th century, but in the 1960s when most of its population had started moving out, its survival as a village was endangered. By God’s providence, at around the same time, the VBG - Vereinigte Bibelgruppen (UBG in English, or United Bible Groups), a Swiss-German-run interdenominational Christian movement, began buying some of the old houses to set up a retreat center in the village. And Campo Rasa was born.
Many of the abandoned buildings were in disrepair, but they were gradually restored. Careful and well-researched renovations were done to maintain the original condition and character of the 250-year old manors. To respect the old structure of the houses also meant doing without too many modern conveniences.
Rasa, a cluster of stone houses, is a tranquil spot in the middle of a serene but powerful scenery. One finds few traces of the modern world here. The village is accessible only by cable car or by a two-hour uphill hike. No cars can ever reach it, so the surrounding landscape has remained unspoiled. Upon reaching it, one is immediately struck by the simplicity and authenticity of the place.
For one month, in the summer of 1997, I had the rare privilege of being in this place, living in Casa Fonte, one of the houses owned by Campo Rasa. Casa Fonte is a palazzo (a large and impressive private residence) with meter-thick walls under original vaults and roofs made of centuries-old chestnut timber.
Twenty-three of us from different countries had enrolled at Campo Rasa’s Life Revision Retreat and everyday for one month, we sat together under the mentorship of Hans Burki. Hans was a 75-year old Swiss who taught us how to cultivate and integrate the spiritual disciplines of solitude, meditation and contemplation into our daily lives.
The Rasa chapter of my life holds many beautiful events. For me, the month I spent in this lovely Alpine village is one of those precious heaven-to-earth connections, where God spoke new things to my heart at a time I needed to hear them most.
I appreciate the opportunity that God has given me these days to re-dig this old well. Indeed, this well had been forgotten, and now I was being given the chance to revisit Rasa.
Before Ernie and I left for Thailand in September 2007, I had begun a major house cleaning project. I had planned on opening up all our cabinets and cupboards, going through every room and looking inside the drawers and filing cabinets, sorting out all the accumulated stuff, choosing which ones to keep, and which ones to discard or give away.
Hardly had I started when my husband received the invitation to be part of Maejo University's team of foreign consultants.
It was decided that I was to join my husband on this new assignment, but many will understand the reluctance I felt to leave in the middle of what I had begun. A few years ago I told myself that the time had come for Ernie and me to start cleaning up our lives and begin seriously thinking of what we will leave behind when the time comes for us to board our flight departure for heaven.
It was time to de-accumulate, de-clutter, and to simplify our lives. To focus on the essentials, and on what has eternal value. We had to learn to choose which battles were worth fighting and which were mere distractions to our individual and family destiny. We needed to decide which things really mattered and were important, and which were merely urgent but unimportant.
It was decided that I was to join my husband on this new assignment, but many will understand the reluctance I felt to leave in the middle of what I had begun. A few years ago I told myself that the time had come for Ernie and me to start cleaning up our lives and begin seriously thinking of what we will leave behind when the time comes for us to board our flight departure for heaven.
It was time to de-accumulate, de-clutter, and to simplify our lives. To focus on the essentials, and on what has eternal value. We had to learn to choose which battles were worth fighting and which were mere distractions to our individual and family destiny. We needed to decide which things really mattered and were important, and which were merely urgent but unimportant.
At
one point or another in our lives, we all have made decisions that
ended up as costly mistakes. But rather than live a life of regret or
treating it lightly, pretending it doesn't really matter, God has always
graciously reminded me that there is no such thing as a hopeless
situation for anyone who is willing to try again and move up to a
higher, more meaningful level of existence.
My days in Rasa taught me that while the past cannot be undone, it can always be turned over into the hands of a powerful and loving Redeemer. He can help clear up the inner clutter of our lives, and drain out the poison from unhealed emotional wounds. The future holds so much hope.
The words of Isaiah 61:3-4 speak promise and deep comfort to my heart:
...and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Journal Entry: April 4, 2008
Chiang Mai, Thailand
Related post: Isaac, Redigging Old Wells
Other posts about my Rasa experience:
A Still Small Voice
Water From Bethlehem's Well
Jacob's New Name
My days in Rasa taught me that while the past cannot be undone, it can always be turned over into the hands of a powerful and loving Redeemer. He can help clear up the inner clutter of our lives, and drain out the poison from unhealed emotional wounds. The future holds so much hope.
The words of Isaiah 61:3-4 speak promise and deep comfort to my heart:
...and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Journal Entry: April 4, 2008
Chiang Mai, Thailand
Related post: Isaac, Redigging Old Wells
Other posts about my Rasa experience:
A Still Small Voice
Water From Bethlehem's Well
Jacob's New Name
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 4 - To Baby Rowan
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| Rowan Tree |
photo source
To Baby Rowan
Baby Rowan...
you graced our lives for a moment here on earth
but you have touched ...
and changed our lives forever.
Praying for you, in faith, in hope...
we met at the feet of Jesus where our pleas
watered with tears
were uttered in unison, in harmony.
Our hearts and hands joined,
offering strength, support, love and compassion
to the ones whose hearts you filled with love.
Rowan
your name stands for power...vision...
balance... healing...
protection...
transformation.
How such a young life could make such a deep impact
on those of us whose lives became connected
not by our own choosing but by a Divine act,
is something so beautiful,
it could have been orchestrated by Heaven alone.
But there is private pain I dare not speak about;
a sacred ground - a groaning too deep for words.
I must not intrude... but rather step back
to give space and time...
For a season of grief to be embraced
For tears to wash the wounds
For moments of silence to hear the gentle whisper
of the Comforter,
the One who Creates and Re-creates...
the Redeemer, the Healer...
and ultimate Life Giver.
and ultimate Life Giver.
My only prayer now as I say "Fare thee well":
Thank you, Baby Rowan... for the honor and the privilege
of having known you, even from afar.
I look forward to the day when at last
I will hear your laughter and your song
and see the beauty of your face.
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes;
there shall be no more death,
nor sorrow,
nor crying.
There shall be no more pain,
for the former things have passed away."
- Revelation 21:4
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| "The Rowan Tree" by Dana Marie |
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Our Sweet Scarf Baby
Our precious Scarf Baby Rowan has received her perfect healing and is now in the arms of Jesus. Please continue to remember Katie, Ryan and her brother Jacob as well and the entire family, Mrs. Mac her husband and children. Their faith in God remains strong and they know that one day they will be reunited with beautiful, perfect Rowan who has touched the lives of so many.
My Bible Adventure: Day 3 - At a Crossroads
“So Abraham rose early in the morning and saddled his donkey,
and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son;
and he split the wood for the burnt offering,
and arose and went to the place of which God had told him.”
(Genesis 22:3, NKJV)
and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son;
and he split the wood for the burnt offering,
and arose and went to the place of which God had told him.”
(Genesis 22:3, NKJV)
Isaac was the son of promise. Yet the very same God who made the promise tells Abraham to offer “your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love” as a burnt offering.
It surely doesn’t make sense.
It surely doesn’t make sense.
But Abraham was a man of faith, and faith is tested, proven, and rooted in obedience.
I
am amazed at the depth of this man’s faith. The kind that makes him
willing to obey and let go of his only son. Without a murmur, without a
complaint. Just a yes.
How much faith was needed before he could confidently say to his menservants, “Stay here with the donkey, the lad and I will go yonder and worship, and we will come back to you.”
Look how tenderly Abraham responds to Isaac’s question:
Isaac: My father!
Abraham: Here I am, my son.
Isaac: Look, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?
Abraham: My son, God will provide for Himself the lamb for a burnt offering.
What
guarantees did he have? What kind of faith did he possess that he could
speak about such things so ... matter-of-factly? Tears well up in my eyes
as I imagine this conversation between father and son. Here he was, very
close to losing his own son, and yet he speaks so gently, so softly.
Then
in just a few more minutes, Isaac himself realizes the painful truth: he was to
be the burnt offering. At the moment of realization, Isaac has no other
choice but to hold on to his father’s faith.
At this point, both father and son have nothing, only the faith that God will act.
As a woman I wonder about certain details.
Did Abraham embrace his son before tying him up and putting him on the altar? I’m quite sure he did.
Did Isaac struggle? Maybe.
As a woman I wonder about certain details.
Did Abraham embrace his son before tying him up and putting him on the altar? I’m quite sure he did.
Did Isaac struggle? Maybe.
But
the Bible is silent and highlights, instead, the kind of faith that
both Abraham and Isaac demonstrated at a crossroads in their life.
We
are familiar with the rest of the story. As Abraham was about to slay
his son, God did provide a ram caught in a thicket by his horns. And in
this place of painful obedience, Abraham’s life takes a turning point.
So real was Abraham’s encounter with God that he calls the place, “The Lord Will Provide.”
In
this place of provision, when he thought he was facing a dead end,
Abraham’s faith was rewarded. God speaks to him these awesome words of
blessing:
“Because … you have not withheld your son, your only son--
blessing, I will bless you,
and multiplying, I will multiply your descendants
and multiplying, I will multiply your descendants
as the stars of heaven
and as the sand which is on the seashore,
and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies."
- Gen. 22:16-17, NKJV
and as the sand which is on the seashore,
and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies."
- Gen. 22:16-17, NKJV
In
the physical as in the spiritual realm, there are road signs telling us
which way to go. They warn of what lies ahead. Wise indeed is the
traveler that heeds them. He knows that these signs help prevent costly,
even fatal, accidents.
Sharp curve.
Detour.
Yield.
Crossroads.
Crossroads present choices. Which way do I go?
In the crossroads of life, I can only choose to go in one direction.
FLASHBACK:
It was the year 1989. I
was 36 and my husband had just confirmed my worst fears. We had known a
quiet and fairly comfortable life. But now we were hitting rock bottom
financially. This is something nobody ever expects and I certainly
wasn’t ready for it. Yet I believe my heavenly Father had been showing
me some road signs even before it happened.
Sharp curve ahead.
How does one prepare for something like this? I was young, and my husband was in the middle of a promising career. Our children were ages 9, 6 and 4. I remember writing in my journal entry these words: “I knew that sooner or later my faith would be tested. I just had no idea in what form the testing would come.”
Yield.
My heavenly Father was asking me, “Can you trust Me with your life?”
I wanted to answer, “Do I really have a choice?”
At
that time, faith to me was just a panacea, a cure-all. Easier said than
done. You find the word in theology books and glowing testimonies.
But this is real life! Where does real faith, the kind that can move mountains, come in?
But this is real life! Where does real faith, the kind that can move mountains, come in?
“I want my life back, Lord.”
Henri Nouwen writes of the kind of faith that willingly opens its hand and lets go of the last coin.
I
was face to face with a hard choice.
To give up, to let go, to give in.
To offer as a sacrifice what I hold dear and precious in my life.
To say, “Yes, Lord,” even if I don’t understand. Even if deep inside of me, I’d rather not.
Asking God to give me the grace, and the gentle strength, to yield.
To give up, to let go, to give in.
To offer as a sacrifice what I hold dear and precious in my life.
To say, “Yes, Lord,” even if I don’t understand. Even if deep inside of me, I’d rather not.
Asking God to give me the grace, and the gentle strength, to yield.
I chose to unclench my fist, open up my hand, and let go of my last coin. I chose to trust.
It was only the beginning of my faith journey.
That
was nineteen years ago. I have learned many lessons the hard way. The
sides of my faith box had to be flattened out to enable me to see beyond
my self-imposed boundaries. I found out that faith is really just a
handle. It is the Object of my faith that matters.
I have experienced God first hand to be the God who provides.
But
although I know the rewards of trusting and obeying are real: blessings
of deeper faith, provision, multiplication, and possessing the gates of
my enemies (vindication), there is no substitute for the greatest
reward of all.
God Himself.
Dear
friend, are you at a crossroads in your life? What difficult choices
are you facing right now? Do you hear yourself asking your heavenly
father, “My Father, where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” What is His
tender reply to you?
PRAYER:
“Father, I don’t always understand, or see the end of the road, but You are a God who can be counted on. When I have nothing to hold on to but my meager, mustard seed faith, I ask You to open my eyes and reveal to me options I never thought possible. Above all, lead me closer to Your heart. You’re all I want.”
Journal Entry: February 22, 2008
Suggested devotional reading: With Open Hands by Henri Nouwen
“Father, I don’t always understand, or see the end of the road, but You are a God who can be counted on. When I have nothing to hold on to but my meager, mustard seed faith, I ask You to open my eyes and reveal to me options I never thought possible. Above all, lead me closer to Your heart. You’re all I want.”
Journal Entry: February 22, 2008
Suggested devotional reading: With Open Hands by Henri Nouwen
Sunday, June 10, 2012
My Bible Adventure: Day 2 - Who am I?
Photo courtesy of Melissa Agustin
Do not let your adornment be merely outward—
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—
rather let it be the hidden person of the heart,
with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the eyes of God.
(1 Peter 2:20, NKJV)
arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—
rather let it be the hidden person of the heart,
with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,
which is very precious in the eyes of God.
(1 Peter 2:20, NKJV)
Let
me describe myself as "deep waters." Transparent, but only up to a
point. Certain areas in my life must be lived behind the scenes for a
season. There are things that my heavenly Father reveals to me, or
allows me to go through, that He doesn’t intend for me to share with any
other. It’s the inner building of a character, the “hidden person of
the heart,” that Peter refers to. The
deepening, the living out of a revealed truth, that it may become an
integral part of me before I can even begin to talk about it.
I didn’t use to be like this. In my younger days, I would jump at just about any opportunity to share an insight or a new lesson learned. But thank God, one eventually becomes more mellow as the years go by. That’s why the Bible admonished the older women to mentor the younger ones in the ways of wisdom. Discerning when to speak, and when to keep quiet. So writes one of the wisest men who ever lived, Solomon, in Ecclesiastes 3:1:
I didn’t use to be like this. In my younger days, I would jump at just about any opportunity to share an insight or a new lesson learned. But thank God, one eventually becomes more mellow as the years go by. That’s why the Bible admonished the older women to mentor the younger ones in the ways of wisdom. Discerning when to speak, and when to keep quiet. So writes one of the wisest men who ever lived, Solomon, in Ecclesiastes 3:1:
“To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under heaven.”
And
yes, I am learning to look at my life in terms of seasons. As I go from
one season to the next, I see God’s timing, and the working out of His
purposes for me. I have only seen in the painful mistakes and wrong
choices of my past, the futility of operating in a season that has
already ended. When God is telling me to move on, I know I must.
Understandably, I do not settle for superficial relationships. Intimacy with God is my first priority, and I know that part of my destiny is to be a channel of God’s healing and redemptive purposes. I do want to make an eternal impact in the lives of others.
My parents gave me three names Maria Lidia Feliza. I don’t think they really knew what the names stood for. My mother picked my second name from the calendar on the day I was born, my third name is the name of my grandmother. But when I found out the meaning and spiritual connotation of each one, I was quite amazed.
Understandably, I do not settle for superficial relationships. Intimacy with God is my first priority, and I know that part of my destiny is to be a channel of God’s healing and redemptive purposes. I do want to make an eternal impact in the lives of others.
My parents gave me three names Maria Lidia Feliza. I don’t think they really knew what the names stood for. My mother picked my second name from the calendar on the day I was born, my third name is the name of my grandmother. But when I found out the meaning and spiritual connotation of each one, I was quite amazed.
Maria
meaning: Coming from Bitterness
spiritual connotation: Redeemed
meaning: Coming from Bitterness
spiritual connotation: Redeemed
Lidia
meaning: Beautiful Light
spiritual connotation: Worshiper of God
meaning: Beautiful Light
spiritual connotation: Worshiper of God
Feliza
meaning: Joy
spiritual connotation: Joy-Bringer
meaning: Joy
spiritual connotation: Joy-Bringer
In
the Bible, a man’s name was a statement of his job description. Well,
it seems that my names were indeed tailor-made for me! There have been
many reasons for me to become embittered and hopeless. But one spiritual
connotation of my name Maria is "bitter waters made sweet." With joy
comes hope—they are two sides of the same coin. And so I pray:
“From the wellspring of my heart, O Lord,
May sweet waters freely flow!
In the lives of people facing darkness,
Let me be Your ray of joy and hope!”
May sweet waters freely flow!
In the lives of people facing darkness,
Let me be Your ray of joy and hope!”
My favorite picture is that of a rainbow. There is something about a rainbow that stirs my heart. It is such a picture of hope and promise! During difficult moments in my life, I have looked up to the heavens and have seen, unexpectedly, a rainbow in the sky.
One of the best things that God ever did for me was to give me a new name.
It was 1992,
and I was in the middle of one of the most painful seasons of my life. I
stopped looking at myself in the mirror because each time I did, I saw
an ugly face staring back at me. The road ahead was bleak, and hopeless.
Then one night God spoke to me. “Get up,” the Voice said. “Stop being
despondent.” The One speaking had authority. “Pick up your Bible.” I
opened my Bible and started reading from where I had stopped the day
before. The next passage was Isaiah 62.
“…you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.”
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.”
My heart was beating fast. I knew God was speaking directly to me. I continued reading…
No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah,
and your land Beulah;
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married….”
I
could only kneel and acknowledge the presence of my King. From that
moment on, I knew I had been given a new identity, a new name. I was not
Ugly, I was Crown of Beauty, a royal diadem in the hand of my God.
Once
Heaven touches a person’s heart, it is forever changed. I am no longer
my own, I belong to my King forever. Of course, I have my good days and
my not-so-good ones... my ups and downs. But my ongoing desire is to
draw ever closer to Him, my Heavenly Father, heeding His invitation for
an intimate relationship with Him. He is my First Love. He has continued
to visit me in my night seasons, He wakens me before dawn. What a great
honor and privilege to be summoned, and to be ushered into the King’s
presence, waiting quietly for Him to speak throne room secrets into my
life.
God
has called me to be an intercessor. It is a high calling. May I be found faithful.
With the help of God, I humbly commit to interceding for
our nation, the Philippines, and for the nation of Israel as well. I
desire to be obedient to His call, to embrace a lifestyle of worship and
intercession, and to be a prophetic voice to this generation.
In Psalm 2:8-9 God says,
"Ask of Me and I will give You the nations for Your inheritance,
and the ends of the earth for Your possession.
You shall break them with a rod of iron,
You shall dash them to pieces like a potter’s vessel."
So
be it, Lord. Help me to live up to my name, reflecting Your beauty,
radiating Your joy, speaking Your hope into the lives of people you send
my way.
Journal Entry: February 7, 2008
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