The Hills and the Valleys

As I mentioned the other day, last year when the Bible started its journey, I opted out of being a part of it...not because I didn't want to be, but because I was at a place in my life where there was a lot going on and there seemed to be more negatives than positives, and yes, some bitterness. That is why I decided not to be a part...what on earth could I share with everyone without being a hypocrite. "Oh, here's my favourite verses, here is why they are important to me"...it just wasn't something I wanted to do. I have my favourite verses and God has been so good to me throughout my life...I was never in doubt of that but at that time I was in a valley and I was more willing to have my little pity party while I tried to climb back up the hill.

I think it started in the summer...after Olivia had her surgery. Sounds crazy, I know, but for me, once Olivia had her surgery and all was well it was almost a letdown. No, letdown is not the right word but I can't find the right word. What I mean is that for 14 months we had lived a different life from the one we were used to. April 2009 changed us from a family looking forward to a new addition to the family where everything was going to go so smoothly to a family who was having a baby with a birth defect, a baby who was not going to be born "perfect", an uncertain future because we didn't know how long she would be in hospital. When Olivia was born we became a family who was separated at times because half of us were at home and half of us were in Toronto. We were a family who were in uncharted territory...where hospitals became the norm, and where we were the beneficiaries of so much support from the community...I certainly didn't feel worthy and the enemy made sure he kept that thought in my mind.

Also, once last summer was upon is I was in a transition period...my maternity leave was up and I had to decide whether to go back to driving bus (which I didn't want to do) or stay home but be very short of funds which was not going to be good. I ended up starting a new job working for my uncle, which, although I loved it, it did not work out like he and I had hoped. So last fall I was stressed...we were having some financial problems which worried me to know end, and I was trying to find clients for my uncle which just wasn't happening. And...through all of this, I was not enjoying church anymore...we were down to only a handful of people, so it was more like a Bible study and because our kids were the only kids, there was no Sunday school for them and I spent most of my time at church trying to keep them entertained and quiet.

My life was just feeling like one big stressball of disappointment. Seems funny to say after the verses I've shared this week, but sometimes it's hard to rely on God...for me anyways. That is one reason I've tried to get in the habit of writing down the blessings I've received...I've gotten many and I know that God is always on time, but sometimes it's hard not to get mired down in the muck.

So really, what on EARTH could I have shared with you all that would have been a blessing? Nothing, so I backed out and continued on my little pity party.

In January of this year our little church decided to stop because we weren't moving forward and so we started looking for a church. Within a few weeks we had found a great church...no church is perfect, but this one seemed to have everything we were looking for and we've been so blessed by it. This was the start of a turnaround for me and I began to get excited about what God was doing (and would do) in my life. During this time we also started working on some the financial problems we were having and that situation has turned around as well!

I've made some wonderful friends at church and now both Andy are each involved in a ministry within the church which has been good. The girls LOVE their classes and they are learning so much!

I'm learning (ever so slowly it seems sometimes!) to rely on God...I tend to say "Okay God, I give this over to you" but then I take it back when it feels like God is late or I think I know what to do. Not what I want to do, but I like to be in control so that's what I need to work on! :0) Back in June I applied for a job that I had done before and loved and I knew I was perfect for the job and it was perfect for me. I had my heart set on the job and in my mind it would be the "answer" to our finances. We were in a better position and with my job with my uncle running out in May we were still able to get by but I didn't want to get by...I wanted to have extra to do things with the girls, save for a vacation, that kind of thing. Oh...when will I learn? This job was only going to be a few hours a week and would allow us some breathing room.

Because I allowed myself to think that I "needed" this job (and because I did want it) I began to let it stress me out and started to worry once again about what I would do if I didn't get it. I have a business that I am a consultant for that I'd already decided I would put more effort into so that hopefully I wouldn't need a job, but once again I was little Miss Faithless.

In July I heard that they had hired someone...I didn't even get an interveiw! That was upsetting and I was down for a day or so but since I had already been praying for wisdom and acceptance with the outcome I was able to realize (even if I didn't really want to) that God had a better plan for me.

Not long after I saw a job advertised that I had seen other times in the past but never really thought about applying for...but this time I jumped on it. One of our local malls will advertise for someone to work at the Customer Service desk a few hours a week. I decided that it would be perfect because it was evenings and weekends which meant I wouldn't need a babysitter and I've worked in retail so much that this would be a job I could do with no problem.

I submitted my resume and got called for an interview a week later. I interviewed with the supervisor and it went great! She said there was another woman also conducting some interviews so once they met and compared notes I might get called for a 2nd interview with the other woman...which I did! The second woman was the Marketing manager for the mall and it was also a great interview...she said I seemed perfect for the job!

Once again, I was really hoping I got the job but I had such a peace about everything. I had a week to wait before I would hear if I got the job or not but I was not worried. A week later I had a call letting me know I had the job! Early in September I started and did my training...there is a lot to the job but I love it because there is lots of variety and the shifts are not all day shifts, which I love! This job will also allow me the chance to help out with various marketing projects which for someone like me who took marketing in school (four years of post-secondary education at two different schools but not once did I graduate from a school...a long story but no diploma doesn't mean I didn't learn anything!) it makes the job even more interesting!

So it still leaves me time to be at home with Olivia and Madeline, work on my many other projects (my home business, I'm on the Snofest committee which is an event held during January in the city, church activities I'm involved in) and try to keep this place clean (a never-ending job that seems like 1 step forward, 2 steps back!).

Right now I'm on a hill and enjoying it because I know there will be more valleys. With each valley I learn to appreciate the lessons learned while there...I know that I learn more from each valley and trial than I could ever learn up on the hill.

I hope you've enjoyed learning more about my journey over the past week...I've enjoyed mapping it out for you! I'm trying to get back into the habit of blogging so (shameless plug here) I would LOVE it if you would make the trek over to my blog once in awhile and visit! Please comment...if I know people are reading and commenting it helps motivate me to keep writing!! You can find me at www.loraleenscorner.blogspot.com. Visit and send over new friends. I've been thinking about doing a gievaway or something so maybe if I can get at least 10 comments on my latest post (from 10 different people!) I'll do a giveaway! I'm going to make a quick post there right now! :0)