Walking in Faith

The two different socks are a blessing and a strong reminder.
I'm putting them on like God's full armor.

Lending ear to the devil is a dangerous thing I often find myself doing.
How he tormented me, "You have nothing to tell about walking, spreading the word of God. You're a good-for-nothing person not attending church or serving the way the other sisters do."
Well, he's kind of right, you know. I don't preach, and the last ten years or so I actually haven't done much to help or serve actively in the church either.
When I go to church, I do so to get food for my hungry soul, rest for my tormented mind and get filled with joy through the Scripture, the hymns, the communion, even the beauty of the building.

(I need to add I did my share as Serina grew up, following to Sunday School, scout camps, even baking or making buns of puffed rice and chocolate for family gatherings at the YWCA/YMCA, attending gospel concerts where Serina and her lot were performing, Gunnar driving to and from each Friday evening when other adult pairs were busy having fun themselves, gathering money to support the trips to Paris, Estonia or wherever the choirs and scouts were headed.)

I think I'm making excuses for not being a church-working-going type. I am who I am, trying not to pretend being better or more engaged.
I've had to find my own way of being a Christian, serving God as honest as I can.
My Mom always instructed me to work for the face of God and not be an Eye servant.
I've tried to do that, with many flaws and failures.

A year ago, my Mom and me working in her garden. I miss her beyond words. I hear her voice and instructions wherever I go. She still is a blessing to me.

If something, this has become my way of being a Christian.
I cannot be a straightforward A4 person. I wasn't cut out to be this way. I am not even honoring Christ the way I'd like to.
Nevertheless I am a person friends call in times of trouble and ask for prayers. They know I'm weak, they sometimes despise me, but they know that's why I've become a praying person. I cannot do or be anything without God. Because I'm weak, I am strong.

2 Chor. 3:² "Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men."

Heart warming socks arrived today

They say God's timing is perfect. They are right.
Not only is his timing exactly planned, but also his instructions to those who walk his errands.

 Life and Breath and Everything Else: Psalm 78:13a

 

Published with the permission of Lauren Dawenport. See her blog.

Some of you will know that for 24 years I have been living with the chronic fatigue syndrome ME. That means that my batteries run low quickly and I have to lay down and recharge 2 -3 times a day.
After all these years I and my family have found ways to cope and I even see God's blessings through my illness,( at least in retrospect).
I was allowed to be a stay at home Mom from when Serina was a baby after my collapse.
All family members have been knit closely together, because we needed each other to make life work for the one we all loved the most, the divine gift, baby Serina, only niece and only grandchild.

As Serina grew older both husband Gunnar , my brother Kel and my parents grew life threatening ill in just a short time.
Again, we were able to be there for each other.

I admit I felt I'd reached a point of total helplessness when Serina also came down with ME last June. As my Mom was heading towards the end of her life, my daughter had just finished her education and about to begin her life.

I have learned to walk on promises and take one step at a time over and over again. Sometimes I envy people who can plan a half year ahead. I just have to recognize, this is not for me.

So often I've woken up in my childhood room reading the text over my head. Never will I leave, nor will I forsake you. Signed God.
If I could share how these words have given me new strength and new hope.

I love the Sisterhood of the Traveling Scarf and Terry in particular, since she has come to stand so close to me and has also adopted Serina as her prayer child.

I wondered if I even would be able to take part in this year's adventures. I just thought, let me wait and see.
After serious praying, some new and very promising neurological medication against the ME symptoms came available in Norway this February. Serina started in March. Lots of side efferents which meant trials to all of us.
We have learned to embrace the good moments and we indeed do.
Life is so precious and so are smiles, laughter, companionship, hugs, games, food and the odd outdoor expedition.

Like today. Gunnar was exhausted, but Serina and I managed to stay on wheels from 09.30 til 02. Record breaking attending three flea-markets. We barely made it home, when I found the letter from Linda. Sweet Linda had not only sent one sock, but also a new pair of socks. That was the only way I could have started this sock journey today. Both Serina and I went to bed. Norway is still so old fashioned that stores close early on Saturday and most keep closed on Sunday. It's about keeping the Lord's Day holy.

Had Linda not enclosed an extra pair of socks, I'd had to wait until Monday. The Lord knew and he inspired Linda, that's for sure.
In a week or two I shall also try out this new medication. Then I would not have been able to write, at least not if I must go through similar side effects like those of Serina.

God sees and plans so many steps ahead, while I hardly see the end of a day.
Praised be his name. Praised be his love and fatherly concern for each and everyone of us.

Bible and circumstances

Day one.
The Bible of the sisterhood arrived today, just as we were gathered in the kitchen for lunch, my Mom sitting in a wheel chair by my side and Gunnar on the other side of the table.
The package had to be opened at once. There among several biblical treasure lay the book of life, the Holy Bible of the Sisterhood.
I had to explain thoroughly to my Mom once more about the Sisterhood and the Bible being passed round the world to 29 sisters.

"Aren't you lucky!"my Mom exclaimed, and I realized, that is just what we
both were.

God is teaching us all new lessons these days. My Mom had a severe heart attack 2 weeks ago, and spent 10 days in hospital. The first days our small core family was gathered, brother Kel, Serina, Gunnar and I. We were even given our own private room to lay down for some rest in between the wake.
My mother was cut off all life support, nutrition and medication and all monitors and wheeled into a silent room, while they waited for her life to end. I started at once asking her if she wanted water, she managed to say yes. We found a short straw and for 36 hours we feed her with water, crums of milk chocolate and Coca Cola. The doctors finally reconsidered the situation and put her on weak heart medication, allergy pills end energy beverage. To put a eleven days story short, my Mom was "released" to live with us, a hospital bed, wheelchair etc., nurses 5 times a day, palliative nursing they call it.
Godgiven days, I call it, and who's to say whether my Mom will live a fortnight or a decade. It's all in the hands of of our Saviour, and that's what we all have come to peace with these tough 15 days. Never has the song nearer my God to thee meant more. We have been praying almost without stop. Not that my Mom's life should be prolonged, but that she should have no pains, anxiety or discomfort. This is also why she's staying with us instead of in a nursing home.

We are blessed to live in a rich country in which even ordinary people get the best treatment for free. A hospital bed with a decubitus mattress was provided, likewise a wheelchair, a roller, bathroom equipment and two nurses coming 5 times a day.

My Mom is getting stronger and happier day by day. She is of course mourning after loosing two siblings in less than two weeks. But she does remember what she has shared of good days with them, and she's kept her short time memory and remembers her losses as well.
All the morphine she was given at first has made her a bit confused, but as the toxins are washed out of her body, she' stabilizing. She has had a couple of nasty falls, therefore the wheelchair. I have a good hope she might get out of it again too. One broken hip is what she must live with, she's too weak for an op.

Short introduction...
AS I opened the Bible I asked my Mom, "What is your favourite word in the Bible?" (I guess I thought of verse, but this is how the conversation went.)
"Grace", she said without hesitation.
"Oh, fine,"I nodded, "By grace we are saved."
"Grace over grace,"my Mom added.
This is how the verse from John 1: 26 is translated in the Norwegian Bible.
^{John 1:16} "And of his fullness we have all received, and grace for grace."