Past and Future....

I’ve been praying of all that God would have me share as I conclude  my journey of the sock adventure…He has walked me through an amazing  season of healing; a season  of silence and  solitude. He has shown me the “truth”  in what I have viewed in these past few years as a “not- so- beautiful” life. A full life lived yes, but by my ruthless scrutiny resembled nothing more than  destruction and a deep sense of loss. Help me Lord find purpose in all of it.

Tattered scraps sewn together, their varying colors, textures, patterns intertwined, forming nothing more than a larger scrap.  It seemed to take no form or have any chance of ending…it went on and on and on, pieces continually being added; there was no vision of what it was to become. 

As the sewing continued,  there were pieces I grieved over, pieces I rejoiced over; there were harsh reminders of the recklessness, the crawling up out of a rotten dirty pit….and although I wished I could discard those re-occurring  emotions of deep loss and sadness,  He reminded me that those glaring times of despair and ugliness  beautifully complimented the whole…

After many months,  I was beginning to recognize the necessity for me to end destructive behaviors and opinions about myself and begin to see me and my life completely through the eyes of God……there were times I questioned my own ability to move into this phase of healing, fearful I had become reluctant to embrace all He has to offer.

Now unto him 

that is able to do 

exceeding abundantly 

above all that we ask or think,

 according to the power that worketh in us.  

(Ephesians 3:20) 

Finally, one day with an overwhelming sense of God relentlessly pursuing me, I traveled  back into my past for Him to show me the truth that I was refusing to embrace. He wasn’t telling me to discard the scraps, to push the pile of rubble away, He was telling me He wanted me to see the beauty in the scraps, bring the pieces into the light. To be able to see, that even though my life’s been altered from my original plan, He is in the rebuilding business. All I need do is let Him put me back together and on my feet again.

  But the God of all grace, 

who hath called us 

into his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, 

after that ye have suffered a while, 

make you perfect, 

stablish, 

strengthen, 

settle you.

1st Peter 5:10

On several occasions there was hesitancy and much talk was necessary….I was reluctant, yet He was persistent to show me purpose.  There were several times when I wanted to run and escape, but He kept me…He kept me. I told Him most of the scraps represented a life lived without Him and He assured me, He knew that and even in those years when I was faithless, He remained….

Then I heard him say, tell me about each piece. Tell me what each one represents to you. He held me during some dark and dreary days, He held me when emptiness consumed me and gave me no reason to move on. He closed my ears to the lying voices and the continual noises of the world. The further along in the journey, the less I had to say and very few questions to ask by simply  allowing His Word to speak profoundly  to my heart.  I traced the steps of my life through the Bible, through His Word and surrounded myself with songs of praise and worship. 

He brought peace I had not known before by showing me how, where, when each scrap fit and the significance of each. With every piece of fabric, regardless of it’s  representation;  pain, heartache, loss, joy, or love in my life… He showed me there was  endurance, faith, courage, trust… securely stitched and woven in.

I carried you on eagles’ wings 

and brought you to myself. 

Exodus 19:4.

With the Fourth Annual Scarf Sister Reunion a few months away, I decided I would take the pieces and create something for each one of the ladies attending. The sisterhood was engaged in a sock adventure and although I rarely wear socks, perhaps I could create something “sock-like”. 

On a completely different subject I had been researching table settings, something unique I could make for the reunion. One day I came across a link titled “scrappies” and decided it was the perfect solution of what to do with this larger piece of scraps I had sewn together.   

And who better to share the fragments of my life with than my precious sisters in the Lord…..those whom God has so carefully chosen to walk beside me at this juncture of my life….not by chance, but by His grace and mercy has He declared me worthy of friendship, fellowship…this beautiful sisterhood.

“And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles’ wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise…..I will rise……

A  poem I shared during devotional the last day we were all together brought further confirmation of all that God had spoken into my heart the past year…

Past and Future

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

My future will  not copy fair my past

On any leaf but Heaven’s. Be fully done,

Supernal Will!   I would not fain be one

Who, satisfying thirst and breaking fast,

Upon the fullness of the heart at last

Says no grace after meat. My wine has run

Indeed out of my cup, and there is none

To gather up the bread of my repast

Scattered and trampled; yet I find some good

In earth’s green herbs, and streams that bubble up

Clear from the darkling ground, content until

I sit with angels before better food

Dear Christ! When thy new vintage fills my cup

This hand shall shake  no more, nor that wine spill