NEWness of Life

 

 How Beautiful by Twila Paris

 

 

I was thrilled to see the box from Texas sitting on my front porch.  I knew this meant I was next in the sock adventure journey.  I have thought about this journey and prayed over what the Lord would have me share.

 

As I have said several different times and in many places over the past few weeks, the Lord has been doing a pruning work in my spirit.  There were things I needed to let go of.  The biggest of which was my continued tight-fisted grasp on my life with Terry.  I couldn't stop loving Terry even if I wanted to.  I fought so hard against the Lord on this battle.

 

I finally realized that He wasn't asking me to stop loving Terry, only to let that love grow into a deeper and more abiding love for my Savior and for those to whom He will send me.  A piece of me abides in heaven now.  I thought I would never be able to be really happy, really filled with joy, really content again until I was reunited with that part of me.

 

As the Lord closed doors, I began to see the truth that I had allowed the enemy to hid from me.  The truth is that I was dishonoring not only Terry's memory, but the Lord as well because I chose not to let go.  I clung to those emotions as though I would die if I let go.  I insisted to the Lord that I wanted to walk in His path for me; yet I continued to hold on to things that kept me from doing that in a manner that honored Him.

 

I looked up a couple of words in the dictionary and I was accosted by the Holy Spirit as I read.

(1) FACADE:  a false, superficial, or artificial appearance or effect; an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality.

(2) HYPOCRITE:  a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.

 

As I pondered the definitions, I began to realize that I was a hypocrite living behind a facade.  I was saying all the right things, but was secretly coming apart inside.  I interacted with people, I was out and about; but when I came home and the night closed in around me, I melted into a heap of emotions and cried myself to a restless sleep every night.  I cried so much and so hard that my nose bled. 

 

I wasn't doing anything wrong...........that's the reasoning I used.  Yet, it was a lie; I was definitely doing things wrong.  I was placing my own need to hold on to my old life ahead of reaching out to grasp the new life the Lord was offering me.

 

When I first recognized what the Holy Spirit was saying to me, I rebelled in a big way.  Not out loud so everyone else could see my rebellion, but quietly so only the Holy Spirit and I knew what was going on.  I am a sly sinner!

 

So, to tie this all in to our sock adventure, this is what the Lord has said to me through His Word, prayer and the wooing of the Holy Spirit........release your past and allow it to become the blessing to you and others that it was meant to be; search diligently for the work of the present assigned to you; and look ahead to see where the Holy Spirit is drawing you in service.

 

For the first time since Terry's home going, I can lay my head on my pillow at night and drift into a peaceful night's rest without tears.  Pictures no longer cause a lump in my throat.  And music has again become my companion of joy instead of a tool for yet more tears.  Do I still cry?  Well, of course I do, but no longer out of sadness; it is now joy for the love we shared and the reunion we will have one day.

 

I cry when I pray; a feeling of empathy has returned for my brothers and sisters who are hurting.  I find myself seeking ways to love people better.  I work diligently at growing into the intimate relationship with the Lord that I know He wants for me.

 

For me, this journey became a journey in earnest last October at the lodge when Amy made a prophetic pronouncement to Donna.  As I sat and listened to what Amy was saying, I knew that word was meant for me as well............NEW.  It was time to find my new life, my new walk, my new place of service.

As Paul said in Acts 20:24 (NLT)............."But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus—the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God."

Today I stand ready and willing to go wherever He leads, do whatever He commands, be whomever He needs me to be in order to finish my work in His kingdom.  I am excited to see where this journey takes me.  My spirit knows there are going to be changes on my horizon, some small and seemingly inconsequential, others will be large and beyond my own imaginings.  Wherever, whatever, whoever, whenever.............where He leads me I will follow.

And these feet are the beginning of that journey.............



The TN leg of the Sock Adventure is off!