DRAINED & EXHAUSTED

First of all, I appreciate all of the prayers lifted up on our behalf while we were home in St. Louis over Thanksgiving week. To say that it was pretty rough would be an understatement. We stayed at my In-Law's home for the majority of our visit. We were both mellancholy walking through that empty home filled with so many memories. I did my fair share of crying, Dave photographed the entire house and we spent a lot of time talking and sharing our feelings. It became a little easier by the end of our visit.

We DID get to spend time with our oldest daughter Jennifer and her family and I got to enjoy my grand-babies too! We spent time with Dave's youngest brother Perry and his wife Peggy (one of my best friends) as well as 2 other families that we consider best friends/family. That part brought some sunshine into our bleak visit.

My mother is not well. I was the only one that she wanted to visit with her so Dave and the children did their own thing. I admit that she looked much better than I expected. She was wearing a turban as to hide her bald head and her skin color was better than I expected. She is however weak. I spent a good portion of Saturday (20th) with her and on Monday when I spoke to them they said they were supposed to go in on Tuesday to get the results of her latest scan. I spent Tuesday with them and she was having quite a bit of pain, they have upped her pain medication to 2 every 4 hours. We went in to see the Oncologist and it was bad news.

When she was diagnosed back in June with Colon Cancer, the plan was to remove the tumor and perform a temporary Colostomy. They would treat her with chemo and radiation and then hopefully reattach her in *6-8 months. When they got in there, the tumor was much more invasive and they decided to perform the temporary colostomy, shrink the tumor and THEN remove it. What we had no way of knowing is that this cancer is VERY aggressive and VERY resistant to treatment. In the time that she was healing from her surgery and before chemo began, the cancer had spread rapidly, into the lymph nodes and liver. She began chemo in August, their strongest line of defense and had some positive results. Suddenly though, it quit working. They began her on their next best option and she responded well initially but then the cancer became resistant again. essentially the news this past Tuesday is that there is a third treatment but they are expecting the same result. It's like sending in the 3rd string quarterback in the Super Bowl to accomplish what the best and 2nd best couldn't! Then he mentioned hospice. He was sincere and sympathetic but that didn't keep my world from crashing apart.

On Thursday, Mom didn't even want to see me and I had to respect that.

I did get to spend most of Saturday with them and it was pretty emotional. Neither of THEM is ready to give up and I saw a spark in my Mom that has been missing since June. In the midst of all of this, God gave me a precious gift. My Mom was lying on the couch the entire visit and she was feeling comfortable enough with me that she didn't bother with wearing her turban. As the 3 of us conversed, every time Pop spoke and I would look at Mom, she was hanging on his every word. Her love for him was all over her face and it brought me to tears.

Please lift us up before the throne of mercy and grace. I don't know how I will bear it to lose my Mom as well as seeing what it'll do to Pop. I am thankful for God's constant presence and peace but I am am really hurting.